Upon exiting the tunnels, our heroes meet an aspiring adventurer who has been waiting for them.
Rou, Eight, and Arthas come to the end of the tunnels. However, instead of ending at Kidohlva, they find they have arrived in a mountain village named Westbridge. The warehouse workers they run into take them to the local tavern, utterly confused as to how they arrived if they aren’t associated with the supply caravans.
While the group waits for some food, they are invited to the table of a minotaur named Ferdinand Moody. Ferdinand, also known as “Big Mood”, shares that he is on his very first adventure and has been looking for fellow adventurers to help with the wanted poster he carries. As they share food, wine, and stories, the door to the tavern bursts open, and a young woman exclaims that someone has been killed.
Follow Dax @GM_Dax, Kappa @TheKappaChris, Wren @ThornyDryad, and Worrier @WorrierMN
Transcript by CJ Kallevig
Upbeat piano intro ends [00:28]
Mysterious piano fades in [00:29]
Dax: Rou, Eight, and Arthas. The three of you have managed to survive the tunnels between Azarra and what you were told was Kidohlva. As you are exiting the tunnels, well I shouldn’t say exiting the tunnels, as you are coming to the end of the tunnels. You come to a ladder that leads up to what appears to be a door not unlike the door you entered when you left Azarra. You can hear voices above your head. What do you do?
Neil: I’d like to try and lean in and listen to what they’re saying.
Dax: For you it’s certainly not hard. Your head is pretty much up against the ceiling at this point, so you can definitely put your ear up to the door. You can hear, it’s a little mumbled, muffled, but you can hear people talking about items missing from a shipment. Something about Jerry’s livestock missing another member of the flock.
Neil (as Arthas): Hmm.
Kappa (as Rou): Arthas? What do you hear?
Neil (as Arthas): It sounds like a flock of Jerries is missing.
Wren (as Eight): I’m sorry? Did you say a flock of Jerries?
Neil (as Arthas): That’s what I thought I heard.
Kappa (as Rou): Eight, what’s a Jerry?
Wren: I will turn and look at Rou and quirk an eyebrow.
Wren (as Eight): Honestly, Rou, I am not certain. Unless I am mistaken, I do not believe a Jerry is a type of creature. That said, I am not particularly well versed with regional dialects and other common phrases, so perhaps the folks in this area call cows Jerries? Chickens, Jerries? Or even sheep, Jerries? I’m not really sure.
Kappa (as Rou): Excuse me, flesh deficient friend of ours. You’re from this area. What’s a Jerry?
Neil: Eight’s not flesh deficient, they’re flesh challenged.
Dax: By flesh deficient, were you referring to Eight?
Wren: Don’t we have that half-corpse?
Dax: Oh! Were you referring to Eight or were you referring to the skull that you’ve been carrying around?
Kappa: The skull [laughing]
Dax: Okay, alright.
Wren: I have a different type of flesh.
Dax: That’s true. Yes, you have your darkwood core.
Dax (as Arcterus): Last I knew it was a person, and not necessarily a thing?
Kappa (as Rou): You keep flocks of people in Kidohlva?
Dax (as Arcterus): Well no, we don’t.
Kappa (as Rou): Oh, okay. I was about to have a bit of an issue with you.
Dax (as Arcterus): I, why don’t we just open the door?
Wren (as Eight): In most cases, I find that it is most polite to knock before entering any given room. So perhaps knocking would be the most polite way to show that we are here. Arthas.
Neil: I reach over and knock twice.
Dax: The voices stop and then you hear footsteps, one two three. [footstep sound effect] You hear the creak of the door opening and what stands above is a portly man with a little mustache and mutton chops. His brown hair kind of disheveled, wearing a slightly greasy apron over his clothes.
Dax (as the portly man): [in a slightly deeper tone] Uhhhhh. Can I help you?
Neil (as Arthas): Are you Jerry?
Dax (as the portly man): The name’s Reg. Are you looking for a Jerry?
Neil (as Arthas): Never mind that. I’m Arthas. We’ve been traveling for some time and uh..
Dax (as Reg): Uh-uh...
Neil (as Arthas): We’re looking to get out of these caves.
Kappa (as Rou): Arthas, what’s, what’s wrong? Are they causing you trouble?
Neil (as Arthas): No, he just looks a little confused.
Dax (as Reg): Right… Well, why don’t you come up and we’ll get this sorted out? I was told that the supply caravans were… you know what? Just, just come up.
Dax: And Reggie kind of backs up and allows you space to come up the ladder if you so choose.
Neil: I’ll do that.
Wren: I will wait for my good friend Rou to ascend before I leave.
Kappa: Sure, I will follow. I want to get out of these tunnels.
Wren: I’ll turn and look at the tunnels one last time and with a flick of my spoon, I will shake it out so that the light stops. I’ll stow it and then I will climb the ladder. On my way up, I will stand on the floor and close the door behind me?
Dax: Do you leave Bessie down in the tunnel?
Wren: Oh no! No! No!
Wren (as Eight): Arthas, Arthas, Arthas. Simply Arthas, do you believe you could reach down and fish Bessie out of the hole?
Neil: Dax, I’d like to make a Brawn check on that.
Dax: Sure, if you’d like. Go ahead and make it Easy difficulty, so one purple.
[dice rolling]
Neil: One Success and two Advantages.
Wren (as Eight): She is very docile.
Dax: Easy enough. You’re able to get, not that you need to, but you get down on your knees and you’re able to reach down and pull Bessie and the few bags that are up. Now remind me, you had put the skull in a bag on Bessie? Or have you been carrying around this skull? Because I know where we last left off, you were carrying Arcterus but have you continued to do so is my question.
Kappa: I mean, I think if we’re getting tired of carrying Arcterus, put him on Bessie. If we need conversation, pick him up. Talk to him. [chuckling] The bulk of his body is on Bessie, but like, the talking part has been moving around.
Dax: So in this instance right now, where is Arcterus’s head? Because we know the body is stowed.
Kappa: I would have, I think if Rou had asked the question, I think he would be carrying him.
Dax: Okay. The three of you and Bessie and this skull now stand in what is essentially a wooden warehouse. You can see that there are casks, there are sacks of grain and other goods. You can see that there are glass bottles, there are wooden boxes. Reggie stands there with two younger men, both of them with very ashy blonde hair, pale skin, grey eyes. They almost look like they could be twins. Maybe at least brothers. Reggie turns to the two of them.
Dax (as Reggie): Uhhh...
Dax: And then turns to look at the three of you.
Dax (as Reggie): I, I’m guessing you’re going to want to stay at the inn. I’m taking a guess.
Kappa (as Rou): For starters, probably.
Wren (as Eight): Not to respond to an awkward question with another one, but what time is it? Sir?
Dax (as Reggie): It’s…
Dax: Reggie stops and looks up.
[Dax sighs as Reggie]
Dax: Reaches into his pocket and pulls out this, this silver pocket watch, flips it open.
Dax (as Reggie): It’s about 4 o’clock. Almost supper time. Almost quitting time.
Wren: I will close the gap between myself and him when he pulls out the pocket watch. And I will lean in far too closely to inspect it.
Dax: Then in that case, the response is,
Dax (as Reggie): It’s about 4 o’clock, it’s about quitting time. Oy! Hello.
Wren (as Eight): That is absolutely fascinating! Would you mind if I take a closer look at that?
Kappa (as Rou): What’s so weird about a pocket watch, Eight?
Wren (as Eight): A pocket.. watch? Why would one watch their pocket?
Kappa (as Rou): Oh. Oh! Oh. Those aren’t common around here, are they?
Wren (as Eight): Are what common around here?
Kappa (as Rou): It’s a method to tell time over, that are fairly common in Baukora. I did not realize it’s quite the commodity here in the East.
Wren (as Eight): Oh! Previously I stayed in an inn where there was what they called a…
Wren: And I make air quotes.
Wren (as Eight): “Mantle clock”. Which also kept time in a manner similar to what you are referencing. Would this perhaps be a more portable version of the quote “mantle clock”?
Wren: And I make air quotes when I say that again.
Kappa: I smile and like,
Kappa (as Rou): Right on the money there.
Dax: Reggie nods very slowly with a smile, eyes fixed on you, Eight. Still trying to understand what the heck is going on and why you are so fascinated with this pocket watch.
Wren (as Eight): I must be staring. I have been told that I make people uncomfortable when I stare. And you look quite uncomfortable. I have seen that face before.
Dax (as Reggie): I mean if I’m honest, a little bit.
Wren (as Eight): I have one more question for you.
Wren: And I’ll whisper this question.
Wren (as Eight): Is this Kidohlva?
Dax (as Reggie): No….
Dax: And with that, we’re going to turn to someone else.
Kappa: What?
Music shifts to a relaxing piano [09:49]
Dax: Big Mood. Out of curiosity, what is the name of this little town that lies at the foot of Kidohlva?
Worrier: So, it’s called Westbridge. That’s what it said on the sign when I came through anyway. I mean the sign’s not lyin’, so probably Westbridge.
Dax: Westbridge. Now, Big Mood. How long have you been here? When did you arrive?
Worrier: Earlier this morning.
Dax: Okay. And what are you doing right now?
Worrier: Right now, I’m sitting at a little tavern. Yeah, I’m just sitting there. I’ve got an ale and I’m just waiting.
Dax: What does Big Mood look like?
Worrier: I’m a 7-and-a-half foot tall black-furred Minotaur with big white horns that curve forward. I’ve got some overalls on, a comfortable looking flannel shirt underneath, sort of a farmer vibe if you will. Next to me on the table are, it’s kind of leaned up against the table, there’s a large wagon wheel for some reason. And there is a garden hoe leaned up against the wall next to the table. There’s also a small cheese plate in front of me that has been left untouched.
Dax: A young woman with bright, bouncy, blonde curls walks up to you.
Dax (as the server): [slightly higher, femme voice] Oh, you haven’t really touched your cheese plate. Is there something wrong?
Worrier (as Big Mood): No, no. It’s uh, a lovely cheese plate. A lot of times I go into places like this and they’re like “what’s a cheese plate?”. And so that, you even knew what it is, puts you ahead of the game, so kudos to you and your establishment on that. This isn’t for me, it’s for some other folks. But I just wanted to have it ready because I’m not sure when they’re going to show up, so.
Dax (as the server): Oh…
Worrier (as Big Mood): I don’t have a pocket watch or anything. So I don’t even know what time it is.
Dax (as the server): Well, well that’s, not a lot of people do so um, okay. Do you need a refresher on your ale? Should I bring over more drinks? Are they going to be here soon?
Worrier (as Big Mood): Uh, I mean I hope so? I’ll take another ale, sure. You got a larger vessel for the ale, that would be great. This one, it’s not your fault, it’s just I got sausage fingers. So it’s really hard to get kind of a good hold on this size of a mug.
Dax (as the server): I might have an empty whiskey cask. They tend to be a little larger than the pint and a little rounder. Would that, would that work a little better?
Worrier (as Big Mood): Yep, that, get some of that whiskey flavor in the ale. That sounds, that sounds delightful.
Dax (as the server): Okay.
Worrier (as Big Mood): You’re a credit to the profession.
Dax (as the server): Oh well, thank you!
Dax: She kind of shies a little bit at the compliment and walks off. It is about this time, Big Mood, as you watch this server walk away from your table that you see a man enter the tavern. Blonde hair, grey eyes, very pale skin. Apron covering his clothes. He stops when he opens the door, turns to say something behind him, and then moves into the room. And behind him, you see… Eight, you are led to this tavern by one of Reggie’s assistants. Marc, his name was. He walks up to the tavern door, turns to you and says,
Dax (as Marc): Alright, this is the only tavern and inn in Westbridge. So, I’m sure Nora has a couple of spare rooms.
Dax: Turns and looks at Arthas.
Dax (as Marc): Maybe an empty space in the stable, I’m not really sure. But, here…
Dax: Opens the door and then walks in. So Eight, you now have this open door to the tavern, you can see that there are some people sitting at some tables. A bar at the far end, the fireplace roaring. What do you do?
Wren: I will allow my companions to go in before me.
Kappa: I will take that. Rou immediately smells the food.
Kappa (as Rou): Oh my god yes, food! Food! Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me. Thank you Eight, excuse me.
Kappa: And rushes over to, I rush over to the, I don’t know, there’s a counter or bar or something and -
Dax: Yeah, there’s a bar.
Kappa (as Rou): Excuse me, do you have any, anything? Eggs, meats, vegetables? Anything? I would like a plate of whatever you have.
Dax: A young woman with bright, bouncing blonde curls who seems to be pouring ale into an empty whiskey barrel stops and looks up at you.
Dax (as the server): Uh, yeah I can get you pretty much anything you want. Yeah, here. Why don’t you take a seat and I’ll, I just have to deliver this to that gentleman over there and I will be right back.
Kappa: And as the young woman points to the seat and says “we have anything”, I immediately like, my expression changes and tears well up in my eyes. As I take the seat,
Kappa (as Rou): [tearfully] Thank you.
Kappa: I take the menu and start reading it, wiping my eyes.
Kappa (as Rou): Oh it’s beautiful.
Neil: I’ll take my seat next to Rou and realize that this place is accommodating clearly, watching the waitress pour all of that alcohol into an empty cask.
Dax: Do me a favor real quick and roll me a Coordination check because unlike Azarra, where a lot of the buildings were made out of old warehouses. This is indeed a standard sized tavern, so the door is not as large. I want to see if you can get through the door successfully. Give it to me at Average difficulty, please.
Neil: Oh boy! [dice rolling] One Failure and a Threat.
Dax: Okay. Why don’t you describe to me what happens when you fail to successfully get through this door unscathed?
Neil: So how low are the ceilings?
Dax: So the ceiling itself is maybe 30 feet? It’s the door that is probably only nine feet tall.
Neil: Is there any decoration on top of the door? Like horns, a picture frame, anything like that? Or a name plate?
Dax: Why don’t we say that there’s a set of big horns.
Neil: Well, those are on the ground now.
Dax: Maybe they kind of fall down and land pointed end into the floor, nearly missing your feet? Why don’t you take a Strain? Because that was a close call.
Neil: Perfect.
Dax: I will say that after that, you do manage to get through the door.
Neil: Yeah.
Dax: Eight, you have watched Arthas struggle through the door. You’ve watched Rou walk through the door and head immediately for the bar.
Wren: I wanted my companions to go through the door first. I turn to Bessie and I put my hands on both sides of her metallic muzzle and I cradle them very delicately. I kind of stroke with one hand on the flat side of her face and I say,
Wren (as Eight): You have been such a brave, mechanical, pack mule. I am so proud of you.
Wren: And I will take the lead and tie it to a hitching post that I assume is probably outside of the building here. Point of order. Where’s Arcterus? Is Arcterus still with you, Rou?
Kappa: Oh, yes. He’s in my pack.
Wren: Okay. I turn to Arcterus’s body and I kind of position it upright in the pack so like the arms are hanging out. I just say,
Wren (as Eight): Arcterus, if anyone attempts to bother Bessie, please wave and fend them off. Thank you.
Wren: And I will turn and enter the door and go into the inn. I see my friends are at the table, they obviously want to eat and drink. That is not something that is entirely important to me at this point, so I will work on securing accommodations.
Dax: Okay.
Wren: So I approach the bar as well. And also I will be scanning the room to see who else is in here. Because, well, there’s a Giant-kin, a person from far West and me. We are oddities, generally. So I want to see what other oddities might be in this location.
Dax: Looking around the room, you watch as a young woman with bouncing blonde curls walks over to a table where a.. unusually looking individual sits. Almost an upright walking cow. There are a couple of humans that are sitting at another table and there’s a Dwarf drinking ale, it appears, by one of the windows. Other than that, I mean it’s, it’s not like it’s a packed bar. It’s about dinner time but this is also a location where travel is not normal at this time of year. So you kind of anticipated that it might be a little dead.
Wren: Well wonderful. I will probably stare for a moment at the Jerry at the table. Seeing the horns and everything, and remembering our conversation with Reggie and Arthas’s confusion, I will say,
Wren (as Eight): Oh, that appears to be a large bovine creature. Perhaps in this region, they call them a Jerry. Huh! I will have to ask, at some point.
Wren: And I’ll just stand and wait at the bartop, just staring. Completely nonplussed to be waiting.
Dax: At the Jerry?
Wren: No, just I’m, like I stare at Big Mood for a little bit, and then after I say that to myself, I just turn towards behind the bartop and I will just stand and stare basically. Unblinking, unflinching, just waiting for someone to approach me.
Dax: Okay. Big Mood, the server comes back with your whiskey cask.
Dax (as the server): Alright. Hopefully this is more suited to your liking.
Worrier (as Big Mood): Yeah, this is, this is perfect. Thank you. Thank you again for the accommodation. I appreciate it.
Dax (as the server): You’re very welcome. And if there’s anything else you need, just call out for Nora, all right?
Worrier (as Big Mood): Nora, okay. I’ll do that.
Dax (as Nora): Perfect.
Worrier (as Big Mood): Okay.
Dax: She heads back over to the bar and turns -
Worrier (as Big Mood): Oh hey, Nora?
Dax (as Nora): Oh yeah? Yes, yes.
Dax: She immediately turns back and rushes back over to your table.
Worrier (as Big Mood): You, uh, you ever do any adventuring? Like recreationally or otherwise? Just, out of curiosity.
Dax: I’m not going to lie, Worrier, and Wren can choose to cut this out of the episode or not, but it really just sounds like Big Mood just asked Nora if she does drugs. [laughs]
Worrier: Oh, really? [laughs]
Dax: Do you do any adventuring? You know, recreationally or otherwise? [laughter]
Neil: Dungeoneering is a gateway drug, clearly.
Dax: It really is.
Worrier: It leads to all questing, you know.
Dax: Sorry, okay.
Worrier: It’s alright.
Dax (as Nora): Uh,
Wren: It’s no longer make a Streetwise check, it’s make a Knowledge Dungeoneering check. [laughter]
Neil: I learned it from watching you.
Dax: Right? So, Nora kind of brings her hands together and looks like she’s almost like picking at her nails.
Dax (as Nora): Um, no, I, I’ve always been very happy here in Westbridge. I’ve never had any reason to go out and you know, because, I mean, exploring can be very dangerous.
Worrier (as Big Mood): Yeah.
Dax (as Nora): Why?
Worrier (as Big Mood): Oh! Uh, I was just, I was just curious. I’ve been the same way my whole life, just you know, I’m content doing my own thing. I like flowers. You know, you like certain people which is cool and valid. I just, I was just curious. I’m trying to find some folks to help me with a thing, so I thought maybe since you’ve been so nice that you’d be able to, but uh, it’s okay. You done more than, more than I could have imagined. So, thanks.
Dax (as Nora): Oh, well if that’s what you’re looking for, maybe I could you know, as people come into the tavern, I could see if they would be willing to help? You never know.
Worrier (as Big Mood): Oh! Uh, sure! Yeah, yeah, you probably know folks around here who do that. So that’d be great. I’d love that, thank you.
Dax (as Nora): You’re welcome! I’ll keep an ear open.
Worrier (as Big Mood): Okay.
Dax: She starts to walk back towards the bar, a little slower just in case Big Mood decides to stop her again. When she gets around the bartop, she comes to Rou first because you had expressed an interest in getting some food.
Dax (as Nora): So! What can I getcha?
Kappa (as Rou): Yes, I’ll have the home fries, potatoes, the sausage, three eggs, four slices of toast, and any sort of drink you might have.
Dax (as Nora): We have some ale, we have some whiskey, and we have some water.
Kappa (as Rou): An ale would be wonderful.
Dax (as Nora): Okay. And what about you?
Dax: And she turns to you, Arthas.
Neil: Did I notice there’s beef on the menu?
Dax: Oh, yeah. I mean there’s, there’s jerky, there’s, there’s pretty much almost anything you can think of.
Neil: Okay.
Neil (as Arthas): I notice that there’s a Minotaur in here, I’ve never seen one but I’m going to assume that it’s not exactly polite to have hamburger in that company. So I’ll take your entire supply of sausages.
Dax (as Nora): The… the entire supply?
Neil (as Arthas): Yes.
Kappa (as Rou): He knows what he’s about.
Dax (as Nora): We just got a shipment in from the supply caravans from Azarra. I will have to talk to… okay. Yeah, I’ll see what I can do.
Dax: She turns to you Eight.
Dax (as Nora): And what can I get for you, anything?
Wren: I’ve been just staring, stock-still, straight ahead. And basically jerk awake almost, and turn and look directly at this woman.
Wren (as Eight): Hello. I am Eight.
Wren: And I’ll motion with my hand.
Wren (as Eight): And these are my traveling companions. We have just had a long, arduous journey through the tunnels that lead underground to this town. And I must say, my companions are quite tired and foot-sore. We require accommodations for resting this evening in your lovely establishment. Is this something you can arrange?
Dax (as Nora): I have a few rooms open. But I don’t know…
Dax: And at this point, she kind of side-eyes Arthas.
Dax (as Nora): I don’t know if everyone will fit. Um, I might be able to clear open some room in the stables? I’m sorry if that’s not really… that’s the best I can do.
Wren (as Eight): A follow-up question:
Wren: And I’ll kind of just gesture broadly to the room behind me.
Wren (as Eight): This room is rather large. Do you have an extra blanket and pillow? Perhaps it would be acceptable to sleep in a warm building rather than out in a stable?
Dax: She turns and looks at Arthas.
Dax (as Nora): I might be able to close the bar early tonight to allow some rest. Would that be okay with you?
Neil (as Arthas): Certainly.
Dax (as Nora): And uh, Eight do you want anything to eat?
Wren (as Eight): I require no sustenance. That said, I would be most appreciative if you can do all that you can to assist my companions in fulfilling their consumption-based necessities.
Dax: She nods and starts to walk away from the bar but then stops. Turns back around.
Dax (as Nora): I’m sorry, did you say that you came from the tunnels?
Wren (as Eight): Yes! Your memory serves you well, I did just say that.
Dax (as Nora): But, but you’re not part of the supply caravans?
Wren (as Eight): Oh no! We are on a long journey to Kidohlva. I am told that this town is not Kidohlva, so we will be staying overnight before we move onward. I suppose you could say we are on an adventure or quest of sorts.
Dax (as Nora): Okay!
Dax: She leaves and instead of turning left to go to the kitchen, she walks by your table, Big Mood. Acting as if she were checking on your cheese plate, and whispers in your ear,
Dax (as Nora): Couple of adventurers at the bartop, might want to go talk to them.
Dax: And then as she finishes circling the table, heads off to the kitchen to get Rou and Arthas’s orders.
Worrier: Sort of jolts out of the focused reverie I was in, I was taking the handle on the wagon wheel off and tying it to the cask so I would be able to pick it up like a mug. But I stop that work and I look over toward the direction she pointed out. How far away would you say is my table from where they’re seated?
Dax: Maybe 15 feet.
Worrier: Okay, uh, I sort of, I shift a little awkwardly in the two chairs that I’m sitting on. I’m a little thick. Just sort of, in that direction,
Worrier (as Big Mood): Well, hey. You, you like cheese?
Neil (as Arthas): I might.
Kappa: I look around, and then nod my head as Arthas says ‘I might’.
Worrier (as Big Mood): Well, if you want to sit over here, I’ve got some for the table. There’s plenty of seats if you’re hungry. You look a little hungry.
Kappa: I get up from my seat, rush over.
Kappa (as Rou): Oh yes, thank you. Hello, I’m Rou.
Kappa: As I take one.
Worrier (as Big Mood): Oh!
Kappa (as Rou): This is delicious, thank you. This isn’t poisoned, is it?
Worrier (as Big Mood): Um, I haven’t had any yet but not by design.
Kappa (as Rou): I’m willing to take that risk.
Kappa: I’m going to sit down.
Kappa (as Rou): And you are, good stranger?
Worrier (as Big Mood): I’m Ferdinand Moody, folks call me Big Mood. Just got to town. You just get to town too, or..?
Kappa (as Rou): Yes, yes quite, it’s been quite the journey. These are my friends over there at the bar. It is Eight and Arthas. Would you like to introduce yourself? I know you, I haven’t quite memorized your epithets quite yet.
Worrier (as Big Mood): Yeah, yeah, I mean sure. Eight, you said? Eight was, Eight was sort of staring at me earlier and so, I get that a lot. But um, I was trying not to stare back because I was taught that it’s rude, but I don’t know how that works everywhere.
Kappa (as Rou): They do that. They are learning.
Worrier (as Big Mood): Okay. That’s fine. I’m learning too. So, we, maybe we can learn together.
Worrier: He sort of waves over to, I sort of wave over to Arthas and Eight.
Worrier (as Big Mood): Hi! You should come over. I’m Ferdinand Moody, your friend likes my cheese.
Kappa (as Rou): It’s great cheese.
Neil (as Arthas): It’s nice to meet you, Ferdinand. I’m Arthas Boston Wapon Dynevy Marston Thurlow Lilford, the Champion of Offam, Triumphant of Azarra.
Worrier (as Big Mood): Wow.
Neil (as Arthas): Or Arthas.
Worrier (as Big Mood): That’s a lot.
Wren: I have turned away from the bar, hearing all of your jabbering and I will walk across the floor a little bit tentatively. Looking directly at Big Mood, and hearing you say I was staring earlier, I kind of look down to the floor and I kind of clasp my hands together. I have giant gauntleted hands with big wooden fingers, they’re kind of like three sausages affixed to a wood palm. I simply say,
Wren (as Eight): My apologies, Ferdinand Moody. I did not mean to stare, I was simply intrigued by your appearance. For I have seen dairy cows before, I have seen steers before, I have even seen bison. But I have never, ever in all of my life, seen a creature such as yourself that walks upright in this manner. Out of curiosity, do you call yourself Jerry for any reason?
Worrier (as Big Mood): Um, no? I’ve got a, I’ve got a friend named Jerry.
Wren (as Eight): Oh!
Worrier (as Big Mood): Yeah. So I mean, but I’ve never called myself Jerry.
Wren (as Eight): Well, that’s fantastic. See, we heard that someone named Jerry has gone missing, so I was simply inquiring as to whether you were a Jerry or not. And second, I have one more question for you before I take my seat.
Wren: And I pull one of the chairs back.
Wren (as Eight): You said you ordered cheese for the table?
Worrier (as Big Mood): Yeah.
Wren (as Eight): I was not certain that tables consume any food. Is this a regional thing?
Dax (as Arcterus): Eight, Eight. It’s a thing, it’s just a turn of phrase. Like you order for the group, but instead it’s for the table.
Dax: Big Mood, you hear this noise coming from not one of the three people you are talking to.
Worrier (as Big Mood): Do you hear that?
Wren (as Eight): Oh! That may be our timeless companion. Oh! Perhaps Arcterus would like some cheese.
Kappa (as Rou): Oh!
Worrier (as Big Mood): Okay. Um, are they, are they invisible?
Kappa (as Rou): My apologies, we do have another companion with us. [grunts as if lifting something]
Kappa: As I reach, reach back, my pack. Lay a very pristine looking white skull onto the table.
Worrier (as Big Mood): Whoa! Oh wow, okay. Is, that, that can talk?
Dax (as Arcterus): Yes I can talk.
Worrier (as Big Mood): Oh, oh I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to speak about you in the third person.
Kappa (as Rou): This is our friend Arcterus.
Dax: Big Mood, just for your understanding. Every time that the skull does talk, it actually does move its jaw. So it’s not like it’s just the skull and you’re hearing this voice.
Wren (as Eight): Arcterus talks quite a lot for someone of his… condition.
Dax (as Arcterus): I did tell you Eight, I’ve been without company for a hundred years.
Wren (as Eight): I understand. I was also devoid of companionship for a considerable period of time.
Dax (as Arcterus): Yes, and look how much you talk. So I don’t think you should really judge.
Kappa (as Rou): Arcterus, please. Would you like some cheese? Maybe it might lift your spirits.
Dax (as Arcterus): [sighs] You’re right, that was quite rude of me. After all, the three of you did rescue me. I apologize, Eight. I’m just, yes I would like some cheese. Eight, if you’ll forgive my outburst.
Wren (as Eight): There is nothing to forgive. You were merely stating a fact.
Worrier (as Big Mood): Sorry, you rescued your friend? You…
Wren (as Eight): Well, I feel like rescued is an over exaggeration? We merely ripped his body from the wall of the tunnels below this village. We have been traveling with him for, how long has it been Rou? Arthas?
Kappa (as Rou): Ohhhh. A little bit longer than a week.
Wren (as Eight): Arcterus has been kind enough to be quiet long enough for the two of you to sleep on most of those nights.
Kappa (as Rou): I appreciate that. Arcterus, here. Try this one, this...
Kappa: And I’ll, I grab one of the more paler chunks of cheese and waft it close to his mouth.
Dax: The skull opens up its jaw and waits for you to put -
Kappa: I throw it in.
Dax: The skull starts clapping its teeth and you can hear the distinct sound of bone clapping against bone. You, as the mouth opens, you do notice that the cheese is not actually being chewed or digested. Suddenly, the skull stops moving and you hear,
Dax (as Arcterus): Mmmm, Brie. I’ve missed the taste of that.
Neil (as Arthas): You can taste?
Dax (as Arcterus): Not quite, but I remember. Do we have wine? Wine would be delicious right now. Wine always goes good with Brie. Maybe some, maybe some caramelized nuts. Mmm. Cranberries?
Kappa: I will, if there’s a way to grab the piece of cheese from underneath the skull?
Dax: So, in order to do so, you would have to lift Arcterus up.
Kappa: Okay. I will very slowly lift Arcterus up and grab the piece of cheese. It’s not chewed, right? It’s just, it was just -
Dax: Nope! It’s just, it’s as if you had set it on the table. Yeah.
Kappa (as Rou): Would you like another piece?
Dax: The skull opens up and waits.
Kappa: I’ll place it in there [laughs] again.
Dax: Same thing. Clapping of bone. And then eventually it stops.
Dax (as Arcterus): Ahhh. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. It’s been so long.
Kappa (as Rou): I have an idea. They did not offer wine earlier as a drink but here, maybe perhaps we can get you some ale. Nora, can we get an empty glass please? An empty mug?
Wren (as Eight): Perhaps, perhaps Rou…
Wren: And I’ve noticed the cheese just being placed on the table.
Wren (as Eight): Perhaps for the sake of reducing potential mess, we can ask for…
Wren: And I’ll gesture towards Big Mood’s cask.
Wren (as Eight): A bath?
Kappa (as Rou): Precisely. You had the same idea.
Dax: Nora does come over with your ale, Rou, and an empty vessel. Sets them both on the table.
Dax (as Nora): And I’ll be back shortly with the food.
Kappa (as Rou): Wonderful, Nora.
Dax: She pauses, turns around. Her head slowly tilts down to look at this skull. Looks up at the three of you, looks at Big Mood.
Worrier (as Big Mood): It’s not mine. So…
Wren (as Eight): Our companion would like some wine. Do you have wine?
Kappa (as Rou): If you don’t mind.
Dax (as Nora): We haven’t taken inventory of the casks which just arrived, so unfortunately we can’t sell them.
Wren (as Eight): Perhaps we could pay double?
Dax (as Nora): I will talk to Reg, because he’s the one that has to take inventory.
Wren (as Eight): Oh, Reg. Yes, tell him that his new friends would like some wine. I’m sure he would be happy to help arrange that.
Dax: She slowly nods her head up and down, again looks down at the skull and turns and walks back towards the kitchen. Kind of haltingly.
Kappa: As they were explaining that to, to Nora, I was propping Arcterus up onto the cup vessel, and angling it in such a way that when he opens his mouth, I can just pour some ale into that cup.
Dax: Yeah. Yeah, easy enough.
Kappa (as Rou): Okay, this is a bit of an experiment Arcterus, but I just want to see what would happen.
Kappa: And I will pour just as, a sip of, a sip of ale.
Kappa (as Rou): How’s that?
Dax (as Arcterus): Ahhhhh, [smacks lips], uuuhhhhhh. That tastes like, [sniffs, smacks lips], actually no, no I don’t like it. I don’t like it. It tastes like…
Kappa (as Rou): But you can taste it.
Dax (as Arcterus): Cow piss.
Kappa (as Rou): Okay. Learning new things.
Dax: The head like stops for a second, and you hear,
Dax (as Arcterus): Oh, sorry. Present company excluded.
Kappa (as Rou): Mr. Mood, Big Mood. Mood?
Worrier (as Big Mood): That works? Yeah.
Kappa (as Rou): Thank you for sharing your table with us.
Worrier (as Big Mood): Sure.
Kappa (as Rou): What brings you into town?
Worrier (as Big Mood): Oh, well. It’s a little bit of a long story. But, I’ll keep it short. So, I, I’m on my first, I’m on my first big adventure actually. I, my family, they’re adventurers. You might have heard of them, the Traveling Moodys. They’re pretty well known. Kind of famous. Couple of songs written about them. But, you know, I don’t want to brag ‘cause I’m not in it. But, they were adventurers. Couple years ago, they left and they just never came back. We run an adventuring store couple towns over, used to. It’s, now it’s a sort of an upcycled floral art space. I use the old adventuring gear, put plants on it. We call it Petal to the Metal. So by trade, I’m sort of a floral artist. A Flartist, if you will. But folks around town got to talking, and business started to dry up because folks were mad I changed the store over. My family was gone, and they were so nice and famous. So I figured I’d go out and try to find them. I heard, heard word that my brother and sister been seen around these parts lately. So I stopped in to see what I could do about seeing if they’re still here. That was a lot.
Kappa (as Rou): Not at all. I, too, am on my first adventure currently.
Worrier (as Big Mood): Really?
Kappa (as Rou): Yes!
Worrier (as Big Mood): Wow.
Kappa (as Rou): Yeah, all the way from Baukora.
Worrier (as Big Mood): Baukora? Wow. That’s…
Dax: So Big Mood, you would know that Baukora’s the name of the Western Continent.
Worrier (as Big Mood): That’s amazing. I’ve never been there, my family went there one time. They really liked it, so yeah it’s pretty nice.
Kappa (as Rou): I’m sure they did. I’m liking this area too. Eulela.
Worrier (as Big Mood): Yeah, me too. Me too. It feels like a big first adventure, you know. I don’t know. I thought maybe, a lot of times I hear that you folks just like, you know, round up lost pigs or something. You know, for first adventures. But, but I like a challenge so, what, what’s, what are you adventuring for?
Kappa (as Rou): I hope you are able to find your family. Well, I don’t mean to speak for my companions. So, my main purpose is to go out and see the world. I’m very interested in the magical systems here of this continent. Baukora is more inclined towards clockworks and technology and making mechanical things move and work for you. Whereas here, it appears much more straightforward and much more easier. Direct, with magic. Eight here uses their spoon to create food and make light and all these different things, whereas Baukora, it would be a whole mess of things with lighting torches, oils, and cold fire. It’s quite, quite different.
Wren (as Eight): I can also conjure chickens!
Worrier (as Big Mood): Wow, that’s amazing. You can do all that with a spoon, Eight?
Wren (as Eight): I mean, that is just a small sampling of my magical capabilities. I am still learning to perfect my arts. You see, this is also my first foray into the realm of adventuring. My mother kept me fairly cooped up in a study, serving as her caretaker/cook/housekeeper/errand worker/letter writer/tea-maker/gardener/landscaper/chimney sweep. There were a lot of things to do around the old house. You see, I also departed on a quest for knowledge and experience. But now,
Wren: And I’ll lean in, just barely missing putting my hands in the cheese.
Wren (as Eight): Now I am traveling for the purposes of discovering what caused hundreds of children to go missing on the eve of a festival.
Wren: And then I’ll, like, quickly lean back.
Wren (as Eight): It’s quite the daunting task.
Worrier (as Big Mood): Wow. Yeah, I was worried about Jerry going missing. But all those kids, that’s, that’s a lot to undertake on your first adventure. That’s admirable though. Could you, look I don’t, I don’t, you probably get asked this all the time, but could you do the chicken thing? Like right now?
Wren (as Eight): Right now, right now?
Worrier (as Big Mood): Yeah.
Wren (as Eight): It has been some time since I have summoned Eight Junior.
Wren: And I’ll look down and mutter.
Wren (as Eight): I really wish we had named Eight Junior something different. [louder] But! I would be happy to oblige. If none of the rest of the table objects to the appearance of a magical chicken?
Neil (as Arthas): Bring forth the chicken!
Kappa: And Rou looks up as he is moving Arcterus down onto the table and putting a piece of darker cheese into his -
Kappa (as Rou): I don’t mind at all. I worry about, might want to ask the establishment first. Maybe after we get our food?
Wren (as Eight): Rou, you know as well as I do that Eight Junior does not make any mess.
Kappa (as Rou): This is true. Yet another wonderful feat.
Music shifts to a quirky banjo [44:24]
Dax: Alright. Bring forth your Rhoad Island Red, R-H-O-A-D. Very distinct from the state Rhode Island.
Wren: What difficulty do you want to make the check?
Dax: You’ve done it a couple times now. Go ahead and make it Easy.
Wren: I will flick my wrist and from the underside of my gauntleted forearm, a little compartment pops up and the spoon just kind of pops out like a piece of Pez coming out of a Pez dispenser. I will take it in my hand, brandish it, and swirl it around the empty space at the table. As I wave the spoon in a circular pattern, you would see my eyes shift from a violet color, and the lenses would change to almost like an indigo with a starry pattern. As I wave the wooden utensil and say,
Wren (as Eight): Presto Chicken-O!
Wren: And that’s four Successes and an Advantage. So, just as with before, in the underground, the air around us kind of swirls a little bit. There is no sudden dust cloud though, because it is infinitely cleaner up here. So it’s literally just the movement of the table. Perhaps if there’s any napkins or cloth scraps on the table, they might get caught up or wave a little bit as the sudden shift in air rushes across them. But, you see kind of, you feel this swirling pattern and then in an instant, it collapses in on itself with a thick density and in a central point, [poof noise]. A red-feathered chicken appears. Fairly normal sized for its breed and it just is there on the table.
[Dax clucks like a chicken]
Wren (as Eight): Voila! Eight Junior. My most stalwart companion.
Wren: And I will, like, scritch the waddle under Eight Junior’s beak.
Dax: The chicken is tilting its head.
Worrier (as Big Mood): Holy cow.
Wren (as Eight): No, that is a chicken.
Kappa (as Rou): Holy chicken.
Worrier (as Big Mood): Holy chicken. Wow! How’d you do that?
Wren (as Eight): To be quite frank, I am not sure. We have already discussed the moral ramifications with the summoning and de-summoning of a chicken. Though we remain mystified as to where this chicken actually comes from. The moral quandary is whether or not this chicken has been transported from someplace else, or if it is simply created from nothingness and then returned to the magical essence from which it has been created.
Wren: As I’m talking, I just kind of hope that Eight Junior isn’t like pecking at the table and slowly turning to the cheese.
Dax: Oh it totally is. Like I said, this is, this is the chicken from Moana. Like this thing is actually not even caring about the cheese, it is pecking at Arcterus’s head. And you hear,
Dax (as Arcterus): Stop. Stop. Stop it. Stop it. Somebody stop the chicken!
Wren (as Eight): Eight Junior likes you!
Dax (as Arcterus): It, it, I don’t know if it, it hurts! Tell it to stop.
Neil: I will pick up the chicken.
Dax (as Arcterus): [sighs] Thank you Arthas. Appreciate that. [sniffs] Do you smell that? [deep sniff] That smells like… [moan] sausages!
Music shifts back to relaxing piano [47:50]
Dax: And it is about this time when Nora comes with two trays. One that has this pile of steaming, charred, grilled sausages. She places that in front of Arthas. And then the other one has a plate with all the eggs and toast and everything else that you had ordered, Rou.
Kappa (as Rou): Nora, can I, can I please have an empty plate? Please.
Dax (as Nora): Sure! Um, I’ll be right back.
Kappa (as Rou): Thank you! It’s for putting Arcterus on and putting some of my food in his mouth and putting it onto the plate.
Dax: She does come back in short order with a plate and then leaves you all to your business.
Wren (as Eight): Big Mood, you said you are looking for your siblings. Do they look like you? Or are they perhaps not genetically related?
Worrier (as Big Mood): Oh, uh, no. We’re all, we’re all Minotaurs. They’re a little shorter, I was always the biggest by a lot. Which is where the “Big” in “Big Mood” comes from. If it wasn’t clear before. They’re, you know, they’re, they’re fine, you know. They, they get into sibling rivalry, you know them. But, but yeah. They’re, they’re little more mischievous than myself, but we look pretty similar. Yeah. Samson has a white spot over his right eye, and Neve has a white spot over her left eye. So, but, the nice thing about being a Minotaur in this, in this part of the world is that we sort of stand out. You know. I don’t want to brag, I don’t want to sound like, you know, I’m an attraction. But, I’m a little bit of an attraction.
Kappa (as Rou): [imitating a full mouth] You’d fit right in with us.
Worrier (as Big Mood): Well that would be, that would be great! I, I’d love to fit in with you. Um, that’s probably not a thing people say out loud. I, you know, I, yeah. You know, this, you know, this is kind of perfect if you think about it. You know, as the former proprietor of an adventuring store for twenty years, top in the business. We, I learned a thing or two about adventuring.
Number one, you meet up in a tavern. That’s where it all starts. And number two, ‘spite the ups and downs and hilarious misunderstandings on the way, over the course of the adventure, you become best friends. And that is both of the things that I learned.
Kappa (as Rou): [imitating a full mouth] That’s perfect for you, Eight.
Wren: My, my mouth has just kind of slowly opened as you say your two rules. I look to Rou, and then I look to Arthas and I say,
Wren (as Eight): We spent an inordinate amount of time in bars and taverns and we are best friends! Despite all of our quirks, oddities, ups and downs, and misunderstandings. We truly are adventurers, aren’t we?
Kappa (as Rou): You had any doubts?
Wren (as Eight): This must have been divine providence for us to meet Ferdinand Moody. Tell me, Ferdinand, you say that you and your siblings would be hard to miss. Has anyone seen them?
Worrier (as Big Mood): Um, well, you know. Now that you mention it, I probably should have asked at any point during this, but I was sort of caught up on the rules and I felt like I needed to meet the adventurers first before I could start asking questions. So, I’m a little bit of a stickler for the rules. So no, no I haven’t. But, um…
Worrier: Point of order, GM. Do I have the thing? That, oh okay. Okay. Mood reaches into his, into his overalls. He pulls out this kind of large rolled piece of parchment that he unfurls toward everyone.
Worrier (as Big Mood): I found this when I came into town and although I’m a stickler for the rules. I also know an opportunity when I see one. So I picked this up.
Worrier: I show it to the group.
Dax: So what the three of you would see is a very large piece of parchment, almost like a posterboard. You can see that the corners have been torn, as if it was maybe nailed to something and has been removed. It has large letters: WANTED. And then this really awkward drawing of a very scary, monstrous looking face. Almost as if maybe a ten-year-old drew it, kind of thing. And then underneath the face, you see “Livestock Thief. Approach with caution. Reward if killed.”.
Wren: I’ll look at it and regard it for a moment.
Wren (as Eight): Pardon me friends, but is it not strange that whoever created this poster would reward those who wind up being killed?
Worrier (as Big Mood): Yeah, I, this is my first wanted poster. I don’t know the answer to that. Is that weird?
Kappa (as Rou): It’s pretty straightforward, I mean I haven’t done this before either. But I feel like it’s pretty straightforward. Right? I don’t know if that’s weird. So, so your plan, Big Mood, is to go on this adventure. Take this, sort of, message board contract, complete it in hopes that you will find your siblings?
Worrier (as Big Mood): I found it, it was posted up. And I thought that I needed to take it so that way when we, when we recover, when we solve the mystery, we can turn the poster in along with the suspect. So they know what we got. You know? Isn’t that how it works? You gotta show them, like this is what I’m bringing in? You know? For context? I don’t know. I mean, you think, you think they mean there’s a reward for killing the thief? That seems mean.
Wren (as Eight): Correct me if I’m wrong, but it says “Reward If killed”.
Worrier (as Big Mood): Yeah. I mean, I don’t really know what this drawing is, you know? But sometimes folks think that we’re scary-looking. You know?
Kappa (as Rou): It, it looks like a child made it. Is there any sort of, any sort of official marking on it saying that it came from some sort of official authority?
Worrier (as Big Mood): Uh, I don’t…
Kappa: And I’ll start, and I’m studying it too, like is there a seal? Or like a signature or something?
Dax: No seal or signature. But, Big Mood would know where he found it.
Worrier (as Big Mood): Yeah, this was, it was on the big, big bulletin board in the middle of town. So, I also thought maybe if this drawing of a scary monster isn’t one of my siblings, maybe since they’re adventurers, maybe they saw it already and they’re, they’re also trying to solve this mystery. And wouldn’t it be funny if we met up while we were trying to solve the same mystery? And what if I beat them to it? You know? That would be pretty wild.
Kappa (as Rou): That would, yes. [laughs] It would be quite fortuitous, like, oh hey, look. Brothers, I’m better at adventuring than you. Ha-ha! Take that.
Worrier (as Big Mood): Right, yeah! Yeah. They would hate that. They think flowers are dumb.
Kappa (as Rou): Flowers are not dumb.
Wren (as Eight): Flowers are beautiful.
Dax: I’m going to interrupt real quick. Arthas, could you give me a Vigilance check please? And give it to me at Average difficulty. And I think Eight gives you a Boost for that? For Heightened Awareness? And I think it’s two because you’re within Engaged Range, right? You’re right next to Eight?
[dice rolling]
Neil: One Advantage.
Dax: Okay. What would you like to do with that Advantage? Do you want to heal that Strain you took?
Neil: I would love that.
Dax: Okay. Arthas, while this conversation is going on, I’m assuming and correct me if I’m wrong. You’re inhaling your sausages, which is why you tend to be, tending to be pretty quiet?
Neil: Pretty much, yeah.
Music shifts to a tense piano [57:06]
Dax: Okay. You take a minute to breathe, after inhaling about half of this link chain of sausages. First you thought you heard something, but then, nah, nah. You’re just imagining it. You must have been just hearing the noise of the grease splattering on your cheek. And as the conversation continues to go and Big Mood is talking about hopefully finding this creature that’s on this wanted poster, or this person. Whatever it may be. You hear it again, but this time it’s clearer. You hear screaming outside. And then you hear the sound of footsteps and just as you’re turning to see where that noise is coming from, all four of you hear the tavern door slam open. And there is standing a young woman, probably a teenager. Her hair, her clothes, all a mess. She’s panting.
Dax (as the teenager): [panting] I need help. Jerry’s dead!
Neil: I take off running.
Dax: You take off running. We’ll end the session and then we’ll be back at it!
Kappa: Not Jerry!
Wren: Jerry, no!
Dax: Not Jerry!
Worrier: Poor Jerry. Not Jerry!
Music fades out [50:24]
Dax: Thanks for listening! We hope you’ll join us next time but in the interim, follow us on Twitter @RoadsUncharted.
The “Roads Uncharted” podcast is GMed and produced by Dax, who you can find on Twitter @GM_Dax. We use the Genesys RPG system published by Fantasy Flight Games, and music licensed by Epidemic Sound.
Arthas, Champion of Offam, is played by Neil.
Eight is played by Wren, who also composed the music for our opening theme. Follow them on Twitter @ThornyDryad.
Rou is played by Kappa, and you can follow him on Twitter @TheKappaChris.
Big Mood is played by our guest, Worrier. You can follow him on Twitter @WorrierMN.