A pie-eating competition turns out to be a bite more than Eight and Rou can swallow.
Rou and Eight make it to the pie-eating competition, which is run by a gnome named Reginald. The goal is to eat as many pies as possible in an hour - no regurgitation, no passing out, and no leaving the table for any reason. While preparing for the competition, Rou and Eight meet Jane, the reigning champion. Eventually, Jane and Eight are all that remain at the table. Unfortunately, Jane starts to choke, and Eight attempts to save her.
Afterward, Eight takes some food from her plate and tastes it in an attempt to discern if there is foul play. Eight is able to recognize she has been poisoned but they don’t recognize the specific poison and she is taken off to the medical tent. Eight wins a trophy and a coin purse for being the one individual remaining at the table. Reginald tells them to go off and enjoy the festival, he will report the incident to the guards and if they want to talk to Eight and Rou, they will find them. Rou mentions where they are staying, then he and Eight decide to go see Jane at the medical tent.
As they head that way they discuss the implications of the contest and who could have poisoned Jane, why they did it, and how they did it. When they arrive they learn Jane has passed. Eight hands over the trophy and they ask the medical staff to leave it with her as it was part of her effects.
Follow Dax @GM_Dax, Kappa @TheKappaChris and Wren @ThornyDryad
Transcript by CJ Kallevig
Upbeat piano intro ends [00:28]
Calming piano music fades in [00:32]
Wren (as Eight): Hello! I am Eight, and you are listening to Roads Uncharted. It is a story of two best friends and their giant friend, who is currently participating in an event at an arena. Well, I should probably recap this a little better. My name is Eight, and I am traveling with my best friend Rou, my new best friend Rou, and we are exploring the festival of Azarra. It is the Rakeshian festival, which is the festival of the harvest! So there is lots of food, a lot of people, and plenty of merriment. Rou and I decided to see what the festival had to offer while our friend Arthas was occupied with respect to a fighting contest at an arena. Rou and I found the most delightful stall selling apple crisp, which is essentially just hot apples in some sort of sludgey paste? From what I’m told, it is quite popular and from the mouth feel, it was quite delightful to…consume? Yes.
After eating the crisp, I mean, we waited in line for a long time for it. After eating the crisp, I dragged my best friend Rou with me to see the ocean because I have not seen the ocean in a very long time. While we were there, we discussed some of the finer points of my ability to submerge myself without ill effect. During that conversation, we were accosted by a group of rude gentlemen, led by someone named Thomas, who seemed quite intent on trying to intimidate my best friend Rou. He gave Rou two days to leave the city and we’re not entirely certain why. But, we are not going to let them deter us from enjoying the festival. So we have taken off to see if we might be able to find a competition in which we will be tasked with eating the most food as quickly as possible. I’m not sure if they actually have one, but we’ll find out.
Was that fine? That seemed fine. I will stop this recap now.
Dax: Thank you Eight. You and Rou have finished your crisp. You’ve still got the two crisp that you bought for Arthas. You’re able to meander back through the crowds, back to the safety of people. It doesn’t take you long to find the pie-eating competition. It’s actually a lot closer to the outskirts of the festival. You can see that there is this big, big sign that says “Pie Eating Competition - One Silver Entry”. The sign actually stands - is hung - above a big platform with this long wooden table and several chairs. In front of the platform is a little Gnome, sitting at a desk filling out paperwork. You can see some people are surrounding this Gnome. They’re handing over silver as they disperse, you do see a sign on said table that does say “Registration”.
Kappa (as Rou): Eight, I believe it’s over here.
Wren (as Eight): It would seem so.
Kappa (as Rou): Very similar to the fighting competition, but a lot less, uh, fewer intimidating people.
Wren (as Eight): Yes. In fact, I would say,
Wren: And I look around at the people signing up.
Wren (as Eight): I’m not entirely certain half of these folk could lift a weapon.
Kappa (as Rou): I believe that’s fair. Perhaps they’re here just to eat their fill of pie.
Wren (as Eight): Oh yes. Like me!
Kappa (as Rou): Just like you, yes. I don’t anticipate winning, especially against you. But you know, I’d like to see how far I can get.
Wren (as Eight): Of course! I will go ahead and register us both.
Kappa (as Rou): Wonderful. I will size up the competition.
Wren (as Eight): Perfect. You choose who you would like to face first. And I will get us signed up.
Wren: I will walk off towards the registration desk.
Dax (as the Gnome): [high-pitched, nasally voice] Oh! Oh, hello. Are you interested in partaking in the pie competition?
Wren: I look down at this Gnome. My hands just kind of placed flat on the table and I just smile.
Wren (as Eight): Hello! I am Eight, and I would like to register for the eating competition.
Dax (as the Gnome): Eight, you have a very unsettling smile. Has anyone ever told you that?
Wren (as Eight): Constantly. From many people. I am working on perfecting it.
Wren: It creases again and I smile even wider.
Wren (as Eight): And what would your name be?
Dax (as the Gnome): Oh, my name is Reginald. You can call me Reggie though. But, my name’s not important. Are you interested in, you’re interested in taking part in the pie eating competi - okay. Alright.
Dax: He takes out a little ink pen, dips it in the ink, and starts to scribble.
Dax (as Reginald): Eight, so it’ll be one silver for you.
Wren (as Eight): Oh, I am also signing up my best friend, Rou.
Dax (as Reginald): Oh, well where is Rou?
Wren: I point towards Rou.
Wren (as Eight): That is my best friend Rou.
Dax (as Reginald): Oh, alright. How do you spell that?
Wren (as Eight): You know, I’m not entirely certain. But I will guess. R-O-U.
Dax: The Gnome pauses for a second.
Dax (as Reginald): Are you sure it’s not R-O-W?
Wren (as Eight): I am not. However, Not Important, I would like you to write the way I have spelled it for you.
Dax (as Reginald): Then that’s two silver.
Dax: And writes Rou down on the piece of paper.
Wren: Take two out of my coin purse and put it on the table.
Dax: Takes it, puts it in a little lockbox.
Dax (as Reginald): Alright, the competition will be starting in about five minutes. We’re actually just about to close up registration. You made it just in time. Do you know the rules?
Wren (as Eight): I do not. Would you please enlighten me, Not Important?
Dax (as Reginald): Oh, oh yes of course. You and Rou and the other competitors are going to sit up on that table up there, behind me on the platform. You’re each going to be given a pie and the first person to finish their pie will get the next pie in succession and so on and so forth. The competition lasts about an hour, and the last one standing wins.
Wren (as Eight): So the goal is to consume as many pies as possible within one hour?
Dax (as Reginald): Correct.
Wren (as Eight): In what manner are folks disqualified?
Dax (as Reginald): Regurgitation.
Wren (as Eight): Okay.
Dax (as Reginald): Passing out.
Wren (as Eight): Okay.
Dax (as Reginald): Leaving the table, for any reason.
Wren (as Eight): Okay.
Dax (as Reginald): And if at the end of the hour, there are more than one person standing, it is whoever has eaten the most of the pie that is in front of them at the time that the time is called.
Wren (as Eight): I understand.
Dax (as Reginald): Make sure your friend knows the rules as well.
Wren (as Eight): I will convey that information. However, my best friend Rou has already indicated he does not plan on winning.
Dax (as Reginald): Alright. Well we should still make sure he knows the rules. It may be a pie eating competition, but we do like to keep things a little bit more orderly.
Wren (as Eight): Yes, Not Important, I will be sure to convey the information.
Dax (as Reginald): Thank you Eight. Make sure you are up on the platform in five minutes time.
Wren (as Eight): Thank you.
Wren: And I will back away from the table and return to Rou.
Wren (as Eight): Best friend Rou! I have signed us up.
Kappa (as Rou): Oh, perfect. I believe your heftiest competition is that one over there.
Kappa: And whoever the tallest, most bulky individual is, is who I point to.
Wren (as Eight): Oh.
Wren: I look over at whoever you’re pointing at.
Wren (as Eight): Ah yes. They look like they could consume an entire horse. The good news is we have an hour to eat pie. The other good news is that we may eat as much pie as possible within that hour so long as we do not A. regurgitate, B. pass out, or C. leave the table for any reason.
Kappa (as Rou): I don’t see that as being much of an - those first stipulations as being much of a problem for you. I just want to, want to gauge your focus for that last one.
Wren (as Eight): I don’t understand.
Kappa (as Rou): I don’t mean anything by it. You just, I’m learning throughout today, you are very excited and fascinated by many, many things. If I can catch onto that, our competition might be able to catch onto that too and attempt to distract you away from the table. It’s a bit of underhanded competition, you see.
Wren (as Eight): Oh, you’re telling me to become a fixture to the table.
Kappa (as Rou): As much as possible once the hour starts.
Wren (as Eight): I see. Well, I will not have much time to practice because we must be seated at the table in less than five minutes.
Kappa (as Rou): Well we better get going.
Wren (as Eight): Yes.
Wren: And I’ll walk with Rou towards the table.
Wren (as Eight): You’ll have to tell me what flavor the pie is.
Kappa: Whoever’s nearby,
Kappa (as Rou): Excuse me. What kind of pie are we eating today?
Dax: This very petite woman turns to you.
Dax (as the woman): Oh! Well I don’t know. All the locals bake a variety of pies and it’s always a surprise every year. We could get anything from mincemeat to blueberry to, well there was that one year that Reginald said he made chocolate cream, but I don’t really think that’s what that was. I wasn’t competing that year, but by the look of the competitors' faces, it was not good.
Kappa (as Rou): Well, okay. Did you hear that Eight? It seems as if it’s going to be a surprise. I don’t think you should have any issue with that.
Wren (as Eight): No, I am quite fond of surprises. But I suppose I’ll just have to ask you on a pie by pie basis.
Kappa (as Rou): That’s very fair.
Dax (as the woman): Well, they will announce it before they put the pie in front of us.
Wren (as Eight): Oh, well then I won’t need to ask anyone. That’s even more perfect!
Kappa (as Rou): Wonderful. Thank you. You’re… forgive me, I’m not planning to be winning this competition. I’m here mostly for moral support for my friend here. Best friend.
Wren (as Eight): We’re best friends.
Dax (as the woman): Well isn’t that sweet.
Kappa (as Rou): Do you have a similar strategy or are you planning to win it all?
Dax (as the woman): Oh! You..oh, you must be visiting.
Dax: She turns and points to the opposite end of the platform and you see that there is a small portrait with her face on it that says “Reigning Champion.”
Kappa (as Rou): Eight, I might have been mistaken. This lovely person here might be your competition this year.
Wren (as Eight): I see. Well it is a pleasure to meet you. And I apologize in advance.
Dax (as the woman): Why are you apologizing?
Wren (as Eight): Because I will beat you.
Dax (as the woman): Well…
Dax: She sticks out her hand to you, Eight.
Dax (as the woman): Then may the best person win.
Wren (as Eight): May the best person win. And by win, I mean consume as much pie as possible.
Dax (as the woman): Yes, win. I got through seven pies last year. Let’s see if you can beat it.
Wren (as Eight): Fascinating. How many do you intend to eat this year?
Dax (as the woman): At least seven. That’s my record.
Wren (as Eight): That’s good. You would like to continue to get better.
Dax: Before she can say another word, you do hear Reginald.
Dax (as Reginald): Alright ladies and gentlemen, it is time now for the pie eating competition. Please make your way to the stage if you are participating.
Wren (as Eight): Oh, Rou! That’s Not Important, they seem to be the master of ceremonies. So we should probably listen to him.
Kappa (as Rou): Odd choice for a name, but weirder things have happened. We should try and find good seats. Maybe close to, sorry, your name was?
Dax (as the woman): [soft chuckle] Oh, Jane.
Kappa (as Rou): Jane. Good to meet you Jane. I’m enjoying this friendly jousting that we are having.
Dax: She cracks her knuckles as she stretches her arms out.
Dax (as Jane): Sorry to disappoint you Rou, but the friendliness ends when the buzzer goes off.
Dax: And she turns around to take a seat.
Kappa (as Rou): Eight, I think you should sit next to Jane.
Wren (as Eight): I believe you’re right. I will do so. Although I will also say, she seems more interested in eating than she is in talking with us.
Kappa (as Rou): That’s fair.
Dax: There’s about eight chairs available. Jane, Rou, and Eight, and the other five chairs are taken up by a variety of individuals. There is the tall, bulky man that you pointed out Rou, as the potential best competition for Eight. There are a few Gnomes, and one other human, a very gangly looking individual. The first round, Reginald calls out to the crowd, and at this point, people are gathering around the stage. There is this very large group in front of you and everybody is staring. It is a little unsettling but they are staring.
Dax (as Reginald): First round is blueberry, cooked by the great Mrs. Marble, who provided us with many pies in the past.
Dax: People come up to the platform and they lay a whole blueberry pie in front of every single one of you.
Dax (as Reginald): And at the sound of the buzzer, you may eat. Remember, clean plates only. Or you will not get the next pie in your round.
[Buzzer sounds]
Music shifts to tense flute and guitar [14:29]
Dax: What I would like to do for this, we won’t go through every round, but we are going to go through a few. And as we do, we’re going to make some Resilience checks along the way. So I would like both Rou and Eight to make a straight Resilience check, no difficulty for this round.
Wren: As we’re eating, I’m using my spoon to scoop the pie, but the whole time I’m just looking at Jane.
Wren (as Eight): So, do you have a favorite pie type?
Wren: And I’m just like talking the whole time I’m eating the pie.
Dax: She is not responding, she is literally shoveling that pie into her face. It is less than 60 seconds before she’s pushing away her plate and you hear,
Dax (as Reginald): And Jane has taken an early lead!
Dax: Alright. What did your results for your Resilience checks go?
[Dice rolling]
Wren: Success and an Advantage.
Dax: Okay.
Kappa: My dice result came up blank.
Dax: Okay! I will say that this first round, you both do end up making it through your pies. Rou, you probably didn’t realize how fast some of these other competitors were going to be eating. You are the last one to finish your blueberry pie.
Kappa: That’s fair, that’s fair. I was going to, I was going to say I am eating this pie slice by slice, very paced, very calm.
Dax: I love it.
Kappa: Given my usual appetite, it’s still faster than if you were just regularly eating, but for competition, fairly slow. Fairly boring.
Dax: Very fair. Alright. Jane is the first one to get her pie. Eight, you are actually the next one to get your pie and everybody else kind of follows suit. Actually, oddly enough, down the line of the table, Reginald calls out,
Dax (as Reginald): And the next pie is a squash pie, baked for you by Mr. Cooks. Mr. Cooks, thank you, has provided squash from his garden.
Dax: Squash pie is put out in front of each of you in turn and make another Resilience check, this time add a single purple die.
Wren: Start eating this one, I’m still looking at Jane as I’m putting the food in my mouth and just kind of eating it in that incredibly awkward manner. I say to her,
Wren (as Eight): They call this a squash pie. However, it seems to have quite a lot of depth.
Kappa: Before even starting,
Kappa (as Rou): Eight, was that a joke?
Wren: I look at you, Rou.
Wren (as Eight): To be quite honest, I am not even certain.
Kappa (as Rou): Well, that’s a very good one if it was. Excuse me, is this squash pie savory or sweet?
Dax: Consider it very much like sweet potato pie. For it is very sweet, kind of like pumpkin and that kind of thing.
Kappa: I see. I’m going to..
Kappa (as Rou): Can I switch this out with a savory pie if that’s possible? I’d like to interchange.
Dax (as Reginald): No substitutions, you get them as they come!
Kappa (as Rou): Okay, fine.
[Dice rolling]
Kappa: My dice roll ended in a Threat.
Dax: Okay. Eight?
[Dice rolling]
Wren: I got three Advantages.
Dax: Okay. Once again, Jane is the first one done and is pushing away her platter. Eight, you are not right after Jane this time, you actually are the third person to finish their pie. Rou, what happens with this Threat while you are eating this squash pie?
Kappa: There’s something that I’m allergic to. I get through, much like the last pie I ate, eating this very relaxed, but halfway through the second slice,
Kappa (as Rou): Excuse me, is this, is there tarragon in this? I’m sorry, I.. [coughing]
Kappa: And as I start, you know, pressing the sides of my throat.
Kappa (as Rou): It’s not a terrible issue, I’m just going to be very uncomfortable for the next hour, but if there’s tarragon in this, I’m quite itchy. I’m afraid I’m going to have to stop. Can I get that savory pie please?
Dax (as Reginald): Are you forfeiting the towel? Are you throwing it in?
Kappa (as Rou): Unfortunately I might have to if I can’t physically eat this pie.
Dax (as Reginald): And we have our first dropout! Everyone please applaud Rou for his valiant or not so valiant effort.
Kappa (as Rou): I’d like to know what the other pies were. Can I take one to go?
Dax: Reginald stares at you for just a second.
Dax (as Reginald): Jane again leading and the next pie is minced meat.
Kappa (as Rou): Oh! I would have loved that one.
Dax (as Reginald): You can take it with you. You just can’t eat as part of the competition.
Kappa (as Rou): Oh, okay. Right.
Dax (as Reginald): I will need you to step off the platform however.
Kappa (as Rou): Oh yes, of course, of course. I’m so [clearing his throat] I’m so sorry. Oh, the tarragon.
Dax: The gangly individual that was seated at the end also is not able to finish the second pie and does have to throw in the towel. So the competition is now down to six people. Eight, would you please roll me another Resilience check and this time, make it Medium difficulty.
Wren: Two Success and an Advantage.
Dax: I don’t know what it is about this mincemeat, but you are pulling ahead. You are done even before Jane this time. Even more of a benefit for you, three more people drop out, all three of the Gnomes at the table are unable to get through their mincemeat pie. It is down to Eight, Jane, and this very large, beefy individual.
Dax (as Reginald): And we have a surprise taking the lead! It is Eight. Next pie is the raspberry supreme.
Dax: And Eight, when this pie comes in front of you, it is almost way too beautiful for a pie competition. It is this glistening, red with this golden crust. The crust is beautifully decorated with little pastry flowers and birds and all sorts of things.
Wren (as Eight): This is a feast for my eyes as well as for my stomach. Jane, will you take a moment to appreciate my pie before I consume it?
Dax: Again, she’s ignoring you and as soon as the same pie is put in front of her, she just starts to tear apart the top of the crust and dig in.
Wren (as Eight): Oh goodness, you did not even, well, alright. I suppose.
Wren: And I’ll just stick the spoon in and start eating.
Wren (as Eight): It’s a shame to destroy something so lovely.
Wren: Like talking with the food in my mouth.
Dax: Make one more Resilience check. This time make it Hard difficulty.
Wren: I’m going to spend one of those Story Points we have to make my last green another yellow.
Dax: Sure.
[Dice rolling]
Wren: Two Successes and an Advantage.
Dax: The large individual is now out of the competition. It is down to you and Jane, and it is neck and neck. As the hour is starting to draw to a close, you’re making it through this raspberry supreme, you do notice that Jane stops and puts one hand down on the table. She starts to grab at her throat with her other hand. She begins to choke.
Wren (as Eight): Oh no! Uh oh. Jane, are you okay?
Dax (as Jane): [choking noises]
Dax: She’s tapping her throat and she’s starting to go very pale and her lips are starting to turn a little blue.
Wren (as Eight): Are you choking? Can I help you?
Kappa (as Rou): Eight, help her!
Wren (as Eight): May I help you? She needs to nod for yes.
Dax: She looks at you, Eight, and is tapping her throat. But she doesn’t seem to be able to nod.
Wren (as Eight): I apologize if this is not what you would like me to do, but I will assist you.
Wren: And I will get up from the table to perform an emergency maneuver that Mother taught me in the very rare instant that she would herself begin choking.
Dax: Okay. Make a Medicine check. Make it Easy difficulty, you’ve done this before.
Wren: So I have an Intellect of 3, I have two ranks in Medicine, and I’m just double-checking my abilities to make sure I don’t have anything else… Nope, nothing for Medicine [dice rolling]. Cool. That’s four Successes.
Dax: Why don’t you describe what this looks like?
Wren: So it’s been a while since I’ve done this, and by done this I mean I’ve never actually had to do this. But I practiced it, in theory. So I get behind Jane, and my arms just kind of wrap around. My three fingers on the one hand make like a fist ball and the other one goes over top it. I’m just doing the goddamn Heimlich on this person, and just like start pulling in to cause the air that’s inside of her to force the food out.
Dax: You do this I’m guessing a couple times and finally something that was lodged in her throat does pop out. She starts,
Dax (as Jane): [gasping breaths]
Dax: Gasping for air. Unfortunately, her lips are still turning dark purple and even though she can now breathe, she is starting to shake.
Wren (as Eight): She’s breathing, she should be okay.
Wren: I’m going to take part of the pie and put it in my mouth, that she was eating. I would like to use my culinary savant ability to see if it’s poisoned.
Dax: Sure! And remind me how that ability works?
Wren: I can use an incidental action to hold a sample of food or drink in my mouth. If I do so, I can detect poisons or toxins present. In this manner, I may make a Medicine check with a difficulty assigned by the GM to identify the impurity and what effects it has.
Dax: Yep, go ahead and do that and make it, make it Hard difficulty.
Wren: Okay! I have four Success, but a Threat.
Dax: How would you like to resolve that Threat?
Wren: I’ll go ahead and say it just causes a Strain, because -
Dax: Sure.
Wren: I have a feeling I’m about to identify something which will be troublesome.
Dax: You pop this pie into your mouth and as your sensors start to analyze it, you do detect that there’s something in here that’s very toxic. You don’t, you can’t identify exactly what it is but you do know that there is some sort of poison that was in this pie. People at this point now are starting to rush the table, they’re trying to attend to Jane and trying to get her to drink some water. They’re trying to see what they can do to get her to stop shaking. Eventually, one of them says,
Dax (as townsperson): [slightly deeper voice] Clear the, clear the streets! We’re coming through.
Dax: And they grab her and they try and walk her away.
Wren (as Eight): She’s been poisoned!
Dax (as townsperson): Are you sure?
Wren (as Eight): Absolutely. My sensors do not lie. Who brought this pie to her?
Wren: Can I scan the crowd for who did it?
Dax: Sure. If you want to make me a, make me, uh, Perception. Medium difficulty. Soon as you say the word “poison”, like some people do start to panic. They start to disperse away from the platform. The individuals that are dragging Jane off are, you can hear them talking about how, which antidote they might need to use when they get back to the medical tent.
[Dice rolling]
Wren: Which winds up being completely nothing.
Dax: You’re looking but the crowd is dispersing too fast. You can’t get a good look. Reginald walks up to you, Eight, and… Rou, what are you doing during this time?
Kappa: As much as possible, I’d like to approach the stage, maybe if I can get to where Eight is.
Dax (as Reginald): Well, um, I would declare you the winner, but it appears that it’s not under the best of circumstances. So, uh…
Music shifts to a calming piano [27:16]
Dax: Reginald holds out this tiny little trophy for you, Eight.
Dax (as Reginald): I’m sure Jane will be fine. The medical officers are very, very good at what they do. As long as they can get her to the medical tent in time, she should be alright.
Wren: I hold the trophy in my hand and I look at Rou.
Wren (as Eight): I will cherish this. However, do you have a list of who was serving pies? Because the pie was poisoned, it would stand to reason that someone handling the pie had poisoned it.
Dax (as Reginald): Well, I could, I could gather up the list, yes I suppose. I do have to notify the town guards though first.
Kappa (as Rou): Eight, you took some of Jane’s pie and sampled it and then declared that she was poisoned. Did you detect any poison in your own pie?
Wren (as Eight): I did not check.
Wren: I’ll try mine as well.
Kappa (as Rou): Do poisons affect you? I would assume not because you were able to identify.
Wren (as Eight): They do not. I was built to prevent such circumstances from my mother.
Kappa (as Rou): Perhaps it was not just a handler, but the person that made the pie. Master of Ceremonies, who made this pie?
Dax (as Reginald): Let’s see… that was the raspberry supreme, so that would be oh…. Mr. Saison I believe.
Kappa (as Rou): Mister… sorry, Mr. Saison?
Dax (as Reginald): Yes, yes. Although he’s made pies every year, I can’t imagine that he would choose to poison our reigning champion.
Kappa (as Rou): Well, if there’s any way we can help, I’d like to offer it.
Wren (as Eight): Yes.
Dax (as Reginald): Well, thank you. I think I’m going to go and make sure this is cleaned up and go check on Jane and report things to the guards. If they need to talk to you, they’ll seek you out.
Kappa (as Rou): Yes, we are staying at the Hedgehog Inn.
Dax (as Reginald): Ah, ah yes. My brother actually runs that, so I know exactly where that is.
Wren (as Eight): What a merry circumstance.
Dax (as Reginald): Oh I don’t know, my brother can be a bit of a… a pleasant person.
Wren: I’m like smiling at Reginald while he’s talking.
Wren (as Eight): Agreed.
Dax (as Reginald): Well just go out and enjoy the festival. Don’t, you know, enjoy your trophy and… Oh! Oh, wait.
Dax: Reaches to his waist belt and pulls out this tiny little coin purse.
Dax (as Reginald): This is yours as well, as part of the winnings.
Wren (as Eight): Oh! What is it?
Dax (as Reginald): All the registration fees.
Wren (as Eight): Ohhhh.
Dax: So it’s eight silver, not a lot.
Wren (as Eight): Rou, look! Between our apple crisp and our competition fees, we spent two silver.
Kappa (as Rou): All things considered, that’s fairly good for us.
Wren (as Eight): I agree. I thank you, Reginald. I will treasure this,
Wren: And I hold the trophy.
Wren (as Eight): And this,
Wren: And I hold the money.
Wren (as Eight): In my memory.
Wren: And I stow the money on my hip. Actually no, I give the pouch to Rou and I say,
Wren (as Eight): Here, to make up for the apple crisp.
Kappa (as Rou): Oh great. You did not have to do that, but sure.
Wren (as Eight): I have no use of money in most respects. And we should probably do as Not Important suggests and try to enjoy the rest of the festival.
Kappa (as Rou): I believe that would be… I think we should at least stop by the medical tent to see if Jane is okay.
Wren (as Eight): That is a good suggestion.
Kappa (as Rou): She was a fierce competitor.
Wren (as Eight): I would agree with you.
Wren: As we’re walking, Eight’s kind of pensive and for a moment I stop and I say,
Wren (as Eight): Um, Rou? You don’t suppose that all the pies were poisoned because someone intended to harm you, do you?
Kappa (as Rou): I don’t think so, other than those ruffians that we spoke to earlier, I know absolutely zero people in this town, this continent, this part of the world.
Wren (as Eight): That’s true. However, the only people you do know here wish harm on you, and have threatened you on several occasions. I would not put it past them to have tried an underhanded tactic knowing that you would be entering into a food-eating competition.
Kappa (as Rou): This seems… I appreciate your concern. I just don’t think it’s, I just don’t think it’s likely. To anticipate that I was entering a pie eating competition, you would have to bake the poison into the pie. Which takes time. I just got here the other night. Last night.
Wren (as Eight): Oh! If you cook the poison, that might neutralize it. I would swear that it was probably added after the pies were created.
Kappa (as Rou): Hmmm. I have very little experience with poisons so I”ll defer to your knowledge on this. I take your word for it. If you think I should be wary of, you know, underhanded plots, I will do so.
Wren (as Eight): I suppose at this point it would behoove us to maintain vigilance.
Kappa (as Rou): [makes a noise of agreement] It’s strange, isn’t it? They give me two days to leave, and then try to kill me right afterwards?
Wren (as Eight): I suppose, they were hoping to lull you into a false sense of security perhaps?
Kappa (as Rou): That is fair. That is fair.
Wren (as Eight): Well, we have two days to be careful. And then we will be on our way before then.
Kappa (as Rou): Hopefully. That is the plan, correct? Eight, you said you would cherish this trophy in your memory.
Wren (as Eight): Mhmm.
Kappa (as Rou): You don’t plan on keeping it?
Wren (as Eight): Oh no, I do. However, as with most things, possessions and worldly things are fleeting. So I do not anticipate that it will hold up for as long as I will. So I will remember it.
Kappa (as Rou): That’s a very interesting perspective. Do you, if it’s all the same to you, do you think it would be a good show of comraderie, yes camaraderie, and sportsmanship to bestow the trophy to Jane?
Wren (as Eight): It might. Though, considering how fierce a competitor she was, I would not be surprised if she declined to accept it. Given the circumstances.
Kappa (as Rou): Yes, yes. We do run that risk. I mean, I’ll leave it to your decision. If it were me, I would have, I would offer at least the option to decline.
Wren (as Eight): Of course. I am one hundred percent in agreement with you.
Kappa (as Rou): As a, you know, sort of cheer up you know. You got poisoned, here’s something to lift your spirits.
Wren (as Eight): Like an antidote.
Kappa (as Rou): Yes, but for the mood.
Wren (as Eight): Antidote for moroseness.
Kappa (as Rou): An antidote for the feelings that come with a sudden brush with death.
Wren (as Eight): I do not know how that feels. I only hope this tiny trophy is sufficient.
Kappa (as Rou): I believe it would help.
Wren (as Eight): You are thoughtful and able to maintain composure in stressful situations.
Kappa (as Rou): Well…
Dax: It doesn’t take you too long to find the medical tent. Asking around to people that you pass by, they’re able to point you in the right direction. You, it does stand out. It is a linen tent with a big image of what appears to be a pouch of herbs and a vial of red liquid. You get up to the tent and someone is actually coming out when you’re approaching it.
Dax (as townsperson): [slightly British accent] Oh, ah, can I help you?
Wren (as Eight): Yes, hello. My name is Eight, and I am the most recent winner of the pie-eating competition. I have stopped by this tent, as a show of good faith, for my fierce competitor Miss Jane. I have a gift for her and I would like to make sure she is okay following her poisoning fiasco.
Dax (as townsperson): Oh. Um..
Dax: He looks down.
Dax (as townsperson): That’s very thoughtful of you, but Jane didn’t make it.
Music shifts to a melancholy woodwind [36:57]
Wren (as Eight): What?
Dax (as townsperson): We tried everything we could and nothing worked. Were you close with her?
Wren (as Eight): You mean she…?
Dax: He nods.
Wren (as Eight): I see.
Kappa: I am looking down at the floor and kicking at it. Utterly defeated.
Wren: I hold the trophy out.
Wren (as Eight): Would you please make sure that this goes with her? It was a part of her effects.
Dax: He reaches out and takes the trophy.
Dax (as townsperson): Yes, yes of course. Thank you. Would you like to, were you close? Would you like to say goodbye?
Wren (as Eight): That will not be necessary.
Dax (as townsperson): Alright. If you’ll excuse me, I do have to go to the town guard.
Wren (as Eight): Thank you.
Wren: Turn to go. Rou, you would see my eyes have changed from that vibrant purple to a very softly illuminated violet. So, almost, almost like my eyes aren’t really lit up at all at this point.
Wren (as Eight): I think it would be best for us to return to Reginald for that list.
Kappa (as Rou): I agree with you.
Wren (as Eight): If that pie was intended for you, that could very well have been you passing on. And any of the other competitors who had not dropped out.
Kappa (as Rou): Yes. I… at the very least, do our best to bring justice. At least if not, if not by our hand, then by those who are tasked to do so in this town.
Wren (as Eight): Yes. I worry the town guard is not adequately equipped to handle this.
Kappa (as Rou): In my experience, they rarely are. Any town, not just this one. And those, there was that name, Mr. Saison. I don’t know, I’m not, not sure. Let’s go find, let’s go find the Master of Ceremonies.
Wren (as Eight): Yes. Let’s speak with him, obtain the list of pie handlers, and then we can also speak with Mr. Saison. We will get to the bottom of this. We will make sure that the poisoner is punished.
Dax: And that is where we are going to call it.
Music fades out [39:57]
Dax: Thanks for listening! We hope you’ll join us next time but in the interim, follow us on Twitter @RoadsUncharted.
The “Roads Uncharted” podcast is GMed and produced by Dax, who you can find on Twitter @GM_Dax. We use the Genesys RPG system published by Fantasy Flight Games, and music licensed by Epidemic Sound.
Arthas, Champion of Offam, is played by Neil.
Eight is played by Wren, who also composed the music for our opening theme. Follow them on Twitter @ThornyDryad.
Rou is played by Kappa. You can find him on Twitter @TheKappaChris.