Eight and Arthas are tasked with watching Benny, their innkeeper’s young grandson.
It has been a week since the party met the spellweaver named Venya. While Eight and Arthas are enjoying breakfast, their innkeeper, Beverly, informs them that the inn would be closed for the afternoon while she hosts a seminar. The pair then proceed to wrap up some leftovers in preparation to go meet with Arcterus.
It is at this point that their morning is interrupted by Beverly’s daughter, who is in desperate need of a baby-sitter. In exchange for two free nights, Beverly convinces Eight and Arthas to watch her grandson, a toddler named Benny.
It isn’t long before Eight and Arthas realize that baby-sitting is not as easy as they might have supposed.
Follow Dax @GM_Dax, Kappa @TheKappaChris, and Wren @ThornyDryad
Transcript by Wren
Upbeat piano intro ends [00:28]
Slow piano music starts [00:30]
Dax: Hello and welcome back to Roads Uncharted. We are starting Season 3! I am so excited to have you back with us. My name is Dax. I’m the GM and the producer and today we’re going to be doing an episode just about Eight and Arthas. So, sit back, relax and enjoy the show.
Music shifts to a slow and soft piano [00:49]
Dax: Eight and Arthas, you are sitting in the dining area of The Silver Pearl, the inn you’ve been staying at in the city of Kidohlva while you do your research in the library and do various other research and tasks and things that you’ve been doing over the last few weeks. Now today, like other days, Rou is actually at one of the symposiums that the university is holding. He had talked about this the last couple of days so you knew he was going to be gone before sunrise.
As you sit at the table, you can hear Beverly, the innkeeper, rummaging around in the kitchen. Every so often you see her bringing out a platter of dried meats, a couple of bowls of fruit and she’s just setting it up on the buffet table like she does most mornings. As you sit there, what are the two of you doing? What are you talking about?
Neil: I am mildly focused on the dried meat tray.
Dax: What do you mean “mildly focused”? Are you just staring at it or did you take it? What does that mean?
Neil: I mean, I’m not just going to walk up and grab it! But I am kind of checking it out to see what’s on there.
Dax: Oh, okay. Sure, sure. You see what appears to be some sort of dried strips of beef. You see that there is smoked fish of some kind. You do know that there is a type of fish that is local to the mountain streams that tastes like trout, but a little more delicate. So, the residents generally smoke it to beef up that flavor. So, there’s the smoked fish, there is the beef, there is shredded chicken that has been mixed in some sort of spices and herbs. As you’re looking at the tray, you see that Beverly brings out some fresh flatbreads that usually is eaten with the shredded chicken, before she disappears again.
Neil: Delightful.
Wren: I imagine that I’ve been fairly pensive, for the most part, since…actually, I suppose I should ask: how much time has passed since we had our “magical nap”?
Dax: It’s been about a week. In Rejiev, a week is about ten days.
Wren: Okay, I’ve probably got my arms folded and my palms together. My fingers kind of steepled in front of my face. I’m not really taking note of the fact that Arthas is just gazing at the meat platter that is on display. I’m kind of lost in a little bit of contemplation. Not really paying much heed to anything going on around me, at the current time. Probably muttering a little bit, as well.
Neil: I guess I would have tried to find a map of some kind. To try to figure out where to next. I’d probably have that rolled out on the table and then just sort of getting the lay of the land.
Dax: Okay. So you’ve grabbed some of the dried meat and sat down at the table and are now pouring over the map while Eight sits there all pensive-like?
Neil: Precisely.
Wren: After a little bit of time, I will unfold my hands and set them down on the table and my fingers curling against the outer edge of the table. I kind of snap to attention here and I’m frowning a little bit. This look of consternation forms on my face and, Arthas, you’d notice that besides the fact that my jaw set into a frown, for one of the first times you’ve ever seen, I also have a fairly dim look to my usually bright eyes, as I just focus back on you and your meat and the map that’s laid out in front of us.
Neil (as Arthas): What’s on your mind?
Wren (as Eight): Oh, Arthas! It’s seemingly the most trivial thing, but I’ve been thinking about this for the better part of the morning. I came across the most frustrating…well, perhaps frustrating is not the right word. I came across the most challenging of logical puzzles the other day and despite my best efforts, I seem to be having a hard time coming up with a solution. It’s just absolutely vexing!
Neil (as Arthas): What is it?
Wren (as Eight): [Chuckles] Well, I had been looking through some of the books in the library and came across some writing that said, simply: “A child is 12 years old now and is three times older than their sibling…”
Wren: And as I’m recounting this, my fingers steeple back together.
Wren (as Eight): “...how old will this first child be when they are twice as old as this sibling?” And I’ve been thinking about this for a very long time. Longer than I would actually care to admit and I’m not certain I’ve come up with the appropriate answer. I believe this is what they call a “logical test”. But I cannot help but feel like we may be missing some information to make a fully accurate assessment of the child’s age.
Neil (as Arthas): Why not just ask the child?
Wren (as Eight): You know, that is a very intelligent approach to it; however, given that this is a written sentence in a book, I do not know which child this references. So, even if I wanted to, I would not be able to locate the child in question. Besides, would the child necessarily know how to answer this logic puzzle in itself, because it assumes that the child can exist in two different ages at the same time, in the stance of this sentence, at least. For they’re 12 years old now, which is a factor of three higher than their sibling. And then the same question asks how old they would be when they are twice as old as their sibling.
The puzzle predicates itself on the fact that the one child can age, yet the other sibling cannot. Because how can a child be three times older than their sibling at one point, but then merely half as old at another? Would they not both age at the same rate?
Neil (as Arthas): Who wrote this down?
Wren (as Eight): The name of the author of the book in which I found this, I cannot quite seem to recall at the moment. I do believe it was an old human scholar. Someone who likes puzzles and logical tests. Every now and again I like to peruse these for my own entertainment. But, I feel like I’ve bitten off more than I can chew with this one. Similarly to the amount of meat that man has taken at that table.
Wren: And I’ll point to one of the other patrons who has an enormous slab of smoked beef just sitting out.
Wren (as Eight): I really do not believe that man can consume all of that in one bite.
Neil (as Arthas): Eight, whoever wrote this had too much time on their hands to begin with. I wouldn’t worry too much about it.
Wren (as Eight): I suppose you are right in that assessment, Arthas. I did not mean to bother you with such a trifling matter. But, you seem to be fairly intent on studying this map. What in particular are you looking to locate?
Neil (as Arthas): I suppose wherever we have to go next. We’re not staying here forever, I assume.
Wren (as Eight): I believe that would be a fairly accurate assumption.
Wren: And I will once again unsteeple my hands. I’ll put them down in my lap and I’ll lean back a little from the table. My posture, nice and straight, as I look forward without really focusing on anything in particular.
Wren (as Eight): I do believe we will be wearing out our welcome at some point in the near future. I believe the headmaster would not be particularly pleased if we were to make ourselves residents and demand full access to the library much longer. Though, it does seem that Rou has taken quite a liking to the different lectures and discussions that are available.
Neil (as Arthas): That’s one way to put it. Where is he? Studying through breakfast, I assume?
Wren (as Eight): He had mentioned something about wanting to attend another one of the seminars. He’s been very busy the last several days between independent research and attending the university’s different classes. You know, Arthas, you would probably benefit from going to at least one or two of them. They are fairly enlightening, depending on the subject matter at hand.
I would put “dollars to doughnuts”, I believe that is a saying. An idiom, as it were? That you might be able to find one that discusses warfare, tactics, or fighting styles, perhaps. It would be more theoretical than in practice. Most people here at the university do not look like they could lift a sword, nonetheless, actually engage in martial combat.
Neil: DM have I seen anything along those lines, like, advertised?
Dax: I guess the question is “would you have looked?” I mean, I know you have spent some time in the library. But you’ve also gone off wandering the city in your own time. Hence, you got that tattoo. So, god, the tattoo. So, I mean, it depends. How much time have you spent closer to the university and actually checking out some of the advertisements for the different classes? Is the question I am going to pose to you.
Neil: I probably poked my head in, but I don’t think I really know how a university works. So, I don’t know if Arthas is going to try to get an associate’s in theoretical warfare, or if he can just poke his head into a classroom and pretend that, “Of course, this 11-foot-tall man has always been here. What are you talking about, professor?”
Dax: I would say, if you haven’t spent too much time closer to this university center where a lot of the symposiums and seminars and stuff are usually held, you probably have not seen many advertisements for any classes.
Neil: Gotcha. I guess I will, after Eight mentions that, make a little mental note to take a look.
Wren (as Eight): After all, our time here in Kidohlva will be limited. And you are right. I believe we will be leaving sometime soon. After all, we have a prophecy to look into and potentially fulfill-slash-halt. Which reminds me: we need to visit with our good friend Arcterus before we leave. His magical skull may contain secrets that we need.
Neil (as Arthas): Where is he?
Wren (as Eight): Well, Arthas, when we first arrived, I do believe Arcterus was handed over to the local guard to keep a watchful eye on him. However, it has been about a week. So, I cannot say entirely for certain where Arcterus has wound up at this point.
Neil (as Arthas): It’s better than the bottom of a backpack, I suppose.
Wren (as Eight): Yes. Or embedded in a wall somewhere deep underground.
Neil (as Arthas): But only just. Let’s find him!
Wren (as Eight): I suppose we can do so. Have you had your fill of smoked meats and various salted sundries?
Neil (as Arthas): Almost. But I have a solution!
Neil: And I would like to produce a little leather bag that I have picked up and shove some of said smoked meats into the bag.
Dax: Sure, why not. Yeah.
Wren (as Eight): Ah! Food to go! Exceptional! I suppose we can begin our work in earnest, then! And, maybe, by the time we find Arcterus, we will be rejoined by Rou. Or, barring that, we will have found answers we need and we may divulge them to our scholarly companion.
Dax: I will say that it is at this point that Arthas is finishing scooping up food into a doggy bag, you hear a massive crash from in the kitchen. Then, Beverly comes rushing out with two large bowls, one on each arm. She sets them out on the table. One is full of some sort of pottage and the other one is filled with rice. She turns around to you and when you look at the front of her, her normally clean and crisp outfit is covered with some sort of red, what looks like a viscous, sticky mess. She looks at the two of you and goes…
Dax (as Beverly): Oh, Arthas, dearie, you don’t have to pack up the food! There’s plenty! Do you want… I can get you a container. Then that way it doesn’t ruin your bag?
Neil (as Arthas): Ma’am, I assure you, this is the “meats bag”.
Neil: And I motion towards the bottom of the bag that has a little cured ham embroidered on the front.
Dax (as Beverly): Oh, alright. Well…
Dax: She looks around and raises a finger as if she’s counting all of the patrons in the room. One thing to note is that over the last couple days, more and more people have started to show up at the inn. Now, the inn is full on up. There are no empty rooms. Breakfast hasn't been too busy, but when you have been in the dining area for meals, it has been relatively packed at dinner hour.
A lot of people that have been arriving have been, I hate to say “obviously”, but obviously from outside the city. You’ve seen Dwarves and you’ve seen Gnomes and you’ve seen a couple of Procids, actually, even. Various people from all over have been coming to Kidohlva and taking up residence at The Silver Pearl. She sits there and she counts how many patrons are around and she turns to look at the two of you.
Dax (as Beverly): Now, you two remember that the Inn is going to be closed this afternoon and I won’t be opening up until near supper. You remember that, right?
Wren (as Eight): It is good that you reminded us. The very thought slipped my mind as I had been so busy thinking about that riddle! I must ask, though: is there a specific reason that you will be closed? And is the city always this busy? I feel like it has grown more crowded since we first arrived.
Dax (as Beverly): Oh! That’s right. The two of you are relatively new to Kidohlva. Well, you see, this evening is the festival of Ruher.
Dax: She kind of pokes her head down a little closer to the two of you.
Dax (as Beverly): You do remember who Ruher is, right?
Wren (as Eight): Ruher…
Wren: I stare blankly and my eyes flicker just a little bit.
Dax (as Beverly): The god of life and…Anyway, Ruher is the god of life and peace. And here in Kidohlva, about this time of year, we tend to have a small evening festival where we celebrate peace and life and all of its bounty. We’ll have a lot of people come in to see the festival. We do a lights display. People like myself run little classes and seminars. This afternoon, I’m running a jam-making seminar.
Wren (as Eight): I see. Well, that is exciting!
Dax (as Beverly): I won’t be around, so I’m closing everything down after breakfast.
Wren (as Eight): I understand. Will there be samples available at the seminar for consumption?
Dax (as Beverly): There should be. I usually share a couple different recipes over the course of the seminar and there’s only so many samples I can provide to the class for tasting. There should be some left over. I have yet to walk away from a seminar where everything is cleared out.
Wren (as Eight): If there is any leftover, I would be thrilled to be able to taste a little bit of your sample. And, perhaps, it would pair well with some smoked meats, Arthas?
Neil (as Arthas): Smoked meats, you say?
Wren (as Eight): Well, I mean, you already have smoked meats. So what’s a little bit of jam on the side? Correct?
Neil (as Arthas): I might need to get a new bag.
Wren (as Eight): That is an excellent point. Perhaps we can get you a “jams and preserves” bag to go along with your meat bag. Beverly, will there be vendors for this Ruhan festival?
Dax (as Beverly): Yes. Yes, Eight, of course. And it’s Ruher.
Wren (as Eight): Ah, excuse me, of course. Apparently, my attention is still divided. The Ruher festival will have vendors. Perhaps we can find you a bag, Arthas.
Neil (as Arthas): Spectacular.
Dax (as Beverly): Perfect. Well, perhaps I’ll see you at my seminar, then. If you’ll excuse me, I have to go clean up this apron before I start tidying up. Please, enjoy.
Dax: And she turns to go and leave and head back to the kitchen, leaving you to your business, when suddenly the door to the inn opens and the relative peace and calm of the morning is broken by the silence of a young woman, holding a small child on her hip. Walking up and going…
Dax (as the woman): Mother, mother! Oh, good. You’re still here. You haven’t left yet.
Dax: Rushing up to Beverly. Beverly turns around.
Dax (as Beverly): Oh, what are the two of you doing here?
Neil (as Arthas): Breakfast!
Wren (as Eight): Arthas, I do believe that is Beverly’s daughter speaking to her mother.
Neil (as Arthas): Ah.
Wren (as Eight): Also, it would be rude of us to eavesdrop. What do you say we go looking for Arcterus?
Neil (as Arthas): Spectacular idea, Eight.
Wren (as Eight): Now, gather up our plates and bring them to the bar top, making Beverly’s job slightly easier. A tidy guest is a welcome guest!
Dax: As you walk close to the bar top, you overhear, despite your best efforts at not eavesdropping, it is a little difficult to ignore the two high-pitched voices in their attempts to whisper.
Dax (as the woman): Mother, mother, you promised you would watch Benny!
Dax (as Beverly): What are you talking about, Maddie? I can’t watch Benny today, today’s the Ruher festival! You know I’m teaching a jam-making seminar. I do it every year!
Dax (as Maddie): But, Mother, today is my first day teaching a seminar at the university. I can’t be late! And if I wait any longer, I am going to be late. I don't have time to find anybody else to watch Benny!
Dax (as Beverly): Well, I don't know what you expect me to do about it, Maddie. I can’t cancel the jam-making seminar, I have 100 attendants this year!
Dax (as Maddie): Well, then, what do you suppose we do, because you’re the one that promised-
Dax (as Beverly): I did not promise-
Dax: Beverly sees you walking over, Eight, and she stops.
Dax (as Beverly): Eight…
Wren: I am mid-setting-plates-down on the bar top and I will stop and my head will just turn to the side and look at the two of them.
Wren (as Eight): Yes?
Dax (as Beverly): You seem like such a pleasant fellow. Would you be willing to do me a small favor, if I offered you two night’s free stay?
Wren: I will put the plates down gently on the bar top and I will fold my hands and put them in front of me on my chest and I look at Beverly.
Wren (as Eight): Is this, perhaps, a business transaction? Is this what we would call “scratch my back, I scratch yours”?
Dax (as Beverly): Yes.
Wren (as Eight): Tit for tat?
Dax (as Beverly): Yes.
Wren (as Eight): An eye for an eye?
Dax (as Beverly): Yes, but less painful.
Wren (as Eight): I suppose it depends on the nature of the favor.
Dax (as Beverly): Well, you see, I’m doing the jam-making seminar this afternoon and it’s going to take me a little time to clear up the inn after everyone is done with breakfast.
Wren (as Eight): Yes, you said you have 100 attendees this year.
Dax (as Beverly): Oh, you heard that?
Wren (as Eight): I’m sorry, I was slightly eavesdropping. It was not my intent.
Dax (as Beverly): That’s alright, Eight.
Wren (as Eight): You were awfully loud.
Dax (as Beverly): That’s alright, Eight. This…
Dax: And she gestures to the young woman behind her with the child.
Dax (as Beverly): This is my daughter Maddie. Maddie, this is Eight. One of our very frequent visitors here at the establishment.
Wren (as Eight): Hello, Maddie. I am Eight and I am traveling with my best friend Rou and my best friend Arthas. Arthas is 11-feet-tall and you will probably notice that he is directly behind me, taking up an inordinate amount of space in this establishment.
Wren: And I will give a meek wave to Arthas.
Neil: I wave back.
Dax: Maddie smiles, kind of awkwardly.
Dax (as Beverly): [Sighs] And this is her son, my grandson, Benny.
Wren: I will turn my gaze to the child and how old is this child?
Dax: Two-ish? Maybe three.
Wren (as Eight): Hello, Benny!
Wren: I will say.
Wren (as Eight): My name is Eight and I am having a discussion in earnest with your grandmother and, by extension, your mother. It seems that you are a source of contention between the two of them at this time.
Dax: Benny, sucking his thumb, turns his face away from you in that shy move that most young children tend to do.
Dax (as Beverly): Um, Eight, my daughter needs a babysitter for Benny for just a couple of hours while she teaches a class. It’s her first day at the university! She’s going to be the newest professor of art history!
Wren (as Eight): Ooh, delightful! The history of art!
Dax (as Beverly): Well, there appears to have been some miscommunication as to who was going to watch Benny and Benny is too young to be left on his own. Would you be willing, you and potentially, Arthas, be willing to watch Benny for just a couple of hours until Maddie is done with her class? And in exchange I will give you two free nights here at the inn!
Wren (as Eight): Um…
Dax (as Beverly): You’ve mentioned you’ve experience in caretaking. I can’t imagine it would be too difficult.
Wren (as Eight): I have extensive experience in caretaking for individuals old enough to care for themselves and individuals that are too old to take care of themselves. That said, I certainly would not volunteer Arthas’ time for such an endeavor as this without consulting him. And, you say, only for a few hours?
Dax (as Beverly): Yes, only for a couple of hours. Just so long as the class goes on and then Maddie can take Benny back from you.
Wren (as Eight): May I respond with a question in turn? Why does Benny not simply take the seminar for himself? Learn something?
Dax: Beverly smirks and glances over at Benny. Looks up at you.
Dax (as Beverly): Eight, have you ever taken care of a two-year-old child?
Wren (as Eight): I have not. Though I do have a mechanical donkey that is less than two-years-old. Are they similar in principle?
Dax (as Beverly): Not quite.
Wren (as Eight): It’s true. Bessie does not make any mess.
Dax (as Beverly): Children this age need to be watched. They need a little bit more attention than a class can provide. Benny is generally very well behaved. Just would maybe need a snack, maybe for you to play with him a little bit. He’ll probably end up taking a nap before the class is over with. I promise it won’t be much mind at all.
Wren (as Eight): If you will wait for just a moment, I shall return with an answer shortly forthwith.
Dax (as Beverly): Excellent. Maddie, follow me into the kitchen. I need to get out of this sticky mess!
Dax: Beverly and Maddie, with Benny, head on into the kitchen.
Wren: I will turn around abruptly, my blue fabric cape kind of swishing with the motion and I will walk across the floor to where Arthas is. And I will stop short, look to my friend and companion and say…
Wren (as Eight): I have news, Arthas, of a potential job!
Neil (as Arthas): Is it watching that child?
Wren (as Eight): Arthas, were you eavesdropping?
Neil (as Arthas): I was!
Wren (as Eight): It is a good thing that you did because that is the job that has been offered. Is to simply to watch a small child named “Benny” for a few hours. I do not know how many hours go into “a few”; however, considering the size of the child, I do not believe it will be of much difficulty to sit on them for that long.
Neil (as Arthas): Precisely! And how hard could it possibly be?
Wren (as Eight): Exactly. I’ve been told that children like to eat. They like to be watched and they may enjoy some play time. I feel as if these are all things that we can be quite capable of. After all, we both have eyes with which to watch. You have a meatbag, inside of which you keep meat, which we might feed the child with. And, if Benny requires playtime, I can simply summon Eight Jr. to play with him! What makes a better playmate than a wild chicken?
Neil (as Arthas): I would be hard pressed to find anything else.
Wren (as Eight): Does this job interest you, Arthas?
Neil (as Arthas): Certainly. Besides, it is the least we can do for all of the hospitality we have been shown.
Wren (as Eight): I suppose that is true. Though, we have paid for our nights’ stay so far. We have been offered two free nights if we watch Benny.
Neil (as Arthas): Ooh!
Wren (as Eight): I do believe that Rou handles most of the finances at this point. I am sure he would be delighted to hear that we scored two free evenings of stay here at the inn without him having to have been involved in watching a child!
Neil (as Arthas): Precisely. I say go for it!
Wren (as Eight): Then we have an accord. It seems, Arthas, that you and I are becoming quite entrepreneurial! [chuckles] This is delightful! I shall go tell them that we will sit on their child.
Wren: I will start walking away back towards the kitchen and I will stand outside the door and wait.
Dax: It’s one of those doors that is really just an archway, so if you’re standing at the door you can see into the kitchen. You can see the whole layout. You do see that Beverly is in the midst of tying on a fresh apron and Benny is seated, kind of, like, on the edge of the counter top with Maddie standing in front of him and kind of holding him. When Beverly notices that you’re standing at the door.
Dax (as Beverly): Oh, Eight! What was the decision?
Wren (as Eight): I have discussed the matter with my friend Arthas and the two of us have reached an agreement: we shall sit on your baby for a few hours to make sure that they are safe!
Dax: Maddie looks very distressed when you say “sit on the baby”. Beverly looks a little shocked at first, but then shakes her head.
Dax (as Beverly): Eight, did you say “sit on the baby”?
Wren (as Eight): Yes. That is what you said. You need a babysitter. We will sit on the baby for the time that you need us.
Dax (as Beverly): Eight, you don’t actually sit on the baby. You just watch the child to make sure that the child doesn’t eat a poisonous mushroom or hurt itself. That’s what babysitting means.
Wren (as Eight): Why would the child have access to a poisonous mushroom?
Dax (as Beverly): I don’t know. Kids get into the weirdest things.
Wren (as Eight): Well, I suppose poisonous mushrooms would not be weird. I do believe that most mushrooms are not edible. So it would stand to reason that if they find a mushroom, it is a matter of likelihood that it would be poisonous.
Dax (as Beverly): Well, it sounds like the matter is settled. Maddie, why don’t you go to your class and I will give Eight the rundown on watching Benny, since I’ve done it enough times. Haven’t I, sweetheart?
Dax: And, with that, she kind of pinches Benny’s cheek and the child giggles a little bit.
[Dax imitates a child giggling]
Wren (as Eight): Oh! Does the child always make that noise when you do that to it?
Wren: And I will lean in, like, I’ll get closer with my fingers ready for the pinching.
Dax (as Beverly): Sometimes, he’s not always a fan. It depends on the mood. Just pinch lightly if you do.
Wren: As I get closer, my giant sausage link fingers closing in on the cheek, I’ll just stop short. I’ll pull my hand back.
Wren (as Eight): I suppose I will save this for our bonding time, when we are playing later this afternoon.
Dax (as Beverly): That’s an excellent idea! Maddie, you have to get going or you’ll be late.
Dax (as Maddie): Oh! You’re right. Um, thank you, Eight. Tell your friend, Arthas, that I really appreciate this. Um.
Dax: Maddie goes to rush out of the kitchen, stops, runs back and drops off a bag next to Benny and then dashes off. A very worried look on her face and it’s very difficult to tell, is she worried because she’s potentially going to be late for the first day of her new job or is it because of who she’s leaving her children with?
Wren: It’s because she might be late, obviously. I would be worried as well -
Dax: Obvious, very obvious -
Wren: If I was running late to my very first day teaching an art history seminar.
Dax: Obviously.
Wren: I will look at Benny. I will look at the bag. I will look at Beverly.
Wren (as Eight): Beverly, will we be taking Benny with us when we depart from the inn this afternoon?
Dax (as Beverly): Well, that might be for the best. What were you planning on doing today?
Wren (as Eight): Oh! We were planning on going to visit our friend, Arcterus. The disembodied, skeletal head who is being kept prisoner by the local guard.
Dax (as Beverly): Uh…huh.
Dax: As you’re saying this, Beverly had started cleaning up some of the bowls and things. As you say this, she starts to slow her movements as it’s really dawning on her, what you’re saying.
Dax (as Beverly): Eight, is that something that needs to be done today?
Wren (as Eight): I’ve already waited approximately ten days to seek him out at this point. I suppose a few hours might not kill me.
Dax (as Beverly): Have you been to the park yet?
Wren (as Eight): Um…Park park park.
Wren: And I will tap my chin real quick.
Wren (as Eight): I do believe I walked through an open air park at some point. I do not believe I lingered for very long, though.
Dax (as Beverly): The one on the other side of the residential section where there’s all the trees and flowers and paths? That one?
Wren (as Eight): Yes.
Dax (as Beverly): Perfect, then you’ll know exactly where to go! It’s one of Benny’s favorite places and it might give you the best chance to keep him distracted while Maddie is gone.
Wren (as Eight): Ah, is this why we used poisonous mushrooms as a potential -
Dax (as Beverly): That is exactly why we used poisonous mushrooms as an example.
Wren (as Eight): I am sure that I will be more than capable with the assistance of Arthas on keeping eyes on Benny and not sitting on him.
Wren: I will walk over and take the bag. I imagine it’s like…what? Kind of like…
Dax: It’s a leather satchel. Yea. An overstuffed leather satchel.
Wren: Take the bag and I will shoulder it and I will look at the baby. I will take my hands and just, king of, scoop under the arms of the child. So, like, my hands are under the armpits and I’m just kind of holding the kid up, facing me.
Dax: How far out are your arms extended?
Wren (as Eight): Oh, all the way.
Dax (as Beverly): Eight, Benny doesn’t bite. Feel free to bring him in close if you need to. Now, look, if you don’t mind, I have to finish getting cleaned up, otherwise I will never make it to the seminar on time. I will see you back here in three hours?
Wren (as Eight): I will mark a sundial!
Wren: And I will turn, holding the kid out, still stretched as far as possible. And I’ll just walk, muttering to myself on the way out as I am getting closer to Arthas.
Wren (as Eight): [quietly] Benny does not bite. You do not bite? Have you not - Are you teething yet? Is that a thing? You do have teeth, yes? Arthas?
Wren: And I will, like, use my hands to turn the kid to face Arthas.
Wren (as Eight): [normal volume] Look in Benny’s mouth, does he have teeth? Oh, Arthas, this is Benny.
Wren: And I will just, with the kid hanging, dangling.
Neil: I guess I’m just a little shocked. I don’t really see a lot of children up close and personal and generally, they’re a lot bigger than this at age two.
Neil (as Arthas): It’s two, yes?
Wren (as Eight): I believe that is what…two increments.
Neil (as Arthas): Has it gotten its first weapon yet?
Wren (as Eight): I do not believe that Benny has had the chance to pick a favored weapon, of sorts. I have been told, however, that Benny is a fan of the outdoors and nature. It was suggested that I lay him in the grass in the park and see what happens.
Neil (as Arthas): Well, that…seems…correct for a child?
Wren (as Eight): Perhaps you know the types of things that children or young babies might enjoy. After all, you were one at one point, were you not, Arthas?
Neil (as Arthas): I have a vague memory of it.
Wren (as Eight): Excellent. That’s more experience than I have with being a baby. So I will follow your lead with most of what we are doing. We do need to vacate the establishment, though. As I believe we would be, as Beverly said, quote: “In the way” for while she is trying to clean up.
Neil (as Arthas): Well, onward!
Wren: We will depart for the park! And I am holding the baby out like Rafiki holds Simba in The Lion King. Like, the whole time. Just out.
Dax: Now, is Benny facing you, or do you still have Benny facing outward so that you and Benny are facing the same way?
Wren: At this point, I’ve just got Benny facing outward because I had turned him so Arthas could tell me if Benny had teeth, but we never quite established that yet. So, we got a little distracted. [laughs]
Dax: As you do. I assume that Arthas opens the door for you to exit the inn? Or is Arthas just going to watch and see if you can struggle through this?
Neil: Oh, I’d hold it open. They seem like they have their hands full.
Wren (as Eight): Thank you, Arthas! You truly are a great friend!
Dax: Now, at this point in the morning, the streets are relatively empty. You’ve been here long enough now that you know the best days to get up and moving and out so that you can avoid a lot of the traffic. Kidohlva is big enough where it does get really busy, even in this area where it’s not heavily touristy. And you’re able to follow the street past a bunch of houses and things in the residential district heading towards the park. Now, if you continue to walk with the child as you have been, you start to feel Benny squirm, trying to lift himself up and just constantly squirming. It is getting more frequent as you continue on.
Wren: As we are walking, I will stop short.
Wren (as Eight): Just a moment, Arthas. I believe Benny is trying to tell me something.
Wren: And I will turn the baby and hold them facing me again. And I will look at him. My eyes are brighter than they were earlier and I’m kind of raising my eyebrows expectantly.
Wren (as Eight): What is it, Benny? Do you have something you need to ask? Do you have something you’d like to tell me? Is there something you’d like to say to Arthas? Are you hungry? Are you tired? Are you bored? Do you miss your mother? Would you like to go back and see your grandmother?
Dax: Benny is still trying to squirm as if he was trying to push himself upward and at one point he just reaches out his hands and starts opening and closing his little palms. So, you see his chubby little sausage fingers flexing and you hear…[soft grunt]. He’s reaching out towards you.
Wren (as Eight): Oh, you would like a chance to feel the ground with your fingers!
Wren: And I will just take him and set him down in the street.
Dax: Okay.
Wren: I will stand there, looking down at him.
Wren (as Eight): There, how is that? This is what you wanted, correct? Arthas, doesn’t he look happy? Does he look happy?
Neil (as Arthas): He…[drawn out] yes…
Wren (as Eight): Arthas, it sounds like you might have some baby-experience based intuition to share?
Neil (as Arthas): Not particularly. I never really handled children.
Dax: So, you plunk Benny down on the ground and at first he sits there and pats the ground a little bit. His palm and fingers extended. Pushes himself up to a standing position and as the two of you are talking and looking down, sticks one finger in his mouth as he’s looking around at the houses that are nearby. And something seems to catch his attention. And he’s staring off into what appears to be an alleyway between a couple houses. Points out a sticky, drooly finger at whatever he’s looking at and goes. [imitates garbled toddler speech]
Wren: Uh huh.
Dax: And then suddenly there is a shrill, high-pitched baby laugh and he darts off towards the alleyway.
Neil: And I run after him.
Dax: I mean, babies can run pretty fast, but Arthas is also 11-feet tall and one step would kind of be all Arthas needs. So, it’s just a matter of which agility-based skill…um, give me a Coordination check there, Arthas, and give it to me at Easy difficulty, so just one purple.
Neil: Easy. Click. Bam.
[Dice rolling]
Neil: One Success and one Advantage.
Dax: Alright. You run after Benny and it’s very easy for you to catch up to him and grab ahold of him. What would you like to use the Advantage for?
Neil: To make sure that I grab him correctly.
Dax: That’s fair.
Neil: You know, making sure that the head is supported. I’m not picking this child up by a leg and just dangling him.
Dax: Yeah, you grab him just around his core and are able to stop him in his tracks. And it takes him a second to realize that he’s been picked up and is no longer moving towards his target. Now, once you grab him, what do you do with him? Do you just hold him, do you pick him up?
Neil: I guess I pick him up as gently as I can, just like, standing height?
Dax: Oh, so he’s, like, way up there, like eye-level with you?
Neil: Not eye-level, but, like, chest-level?
Dax: Alright, he’s still up there pretty high. Okay. Benny looks up at you and stops and tilts his head a little bit like he’s just getting a good look at you and suddenly his face starts to turn bright red. And his face becomes a little crumpled and his eyes squinch up a little bit and his lower lip starts to pout and you hear [sniffling and crying noises] and this child starts to cry.
Neil (as Arthas): Oh no.
Music shifts to jazzy strings and piano [40:38]
Dax: Takes a couple wracking sobs [more sniffling and heavy breaths] and screech. And it is echoing through this stone chamber.
Neil (as Arthas): I think I know what to do.
Neil: And I will try to maneuver a piece of jerky out of my meat bag.
Dax: Okay, give me another Coordination check. I’m going to increase the difficulty to Medium and apply a Setback, because you are holding a squirming, living being. It’s not like you’re holding a bowl or something.
[Dice rolling]
Neil: One Success and three Threat.
Dax: Okay. I’ll say that you are successful in maneuvering the jerky out of the bag, but then in the wriggling mass that is Benny, he ends up catching your hand at just the right angle that it knocks the jerky out of your hand and it falls to the floor.
Neil (as Arthas): Darn! My one idea. Eight! How do you pacify a crying child?
Wren: I pad over behind you as you are fumbling around for the jerky and I’ll pick it up off of the ground after it’s fallen and, kind of, hold it up for you.
Wren (as Eight): I was honestly not aware that this was a child crying. I thought perhaps you had maybe squeezed Benny too hard or something. I don’t really know what’s going on. Perhaps whatever was in the alleyway would help soothe his woe?
Neil: I look at the alleyway.
Dax: You see, not too far beyond the entrance, a big, fluffy, white cat, licking its paws.
Neil: Oh! I suppose I will look at the alleyway and go,
Neil (as Arthas): Pspspsps.
Dax: The cat stops licking themselves and looks up at you, their bright green eyes shining in the shadowy darkness of the alleyway and just stares.
Neil (as Arthas): I think Benny wants to see that cat.
Wren: I will look in and stare at the cat for a moment and simply nod my head.
Wren (as Eight): I think that would be an accurate assessment, Arthas. Though, in our limited experience, I do not believe we have found cats to be very good companions. In fact, you pummeled one to pieces in the middle of an arena. So…um…perhaps… perhaps some magic can solve this problem!
Wren: And I will withdraw my spoon, as I look at Arthas and I will say,
Wren (as Eight): If I summon a cat that looks identical, I should be able to control its temperament. Therefore, superseding any possibility that the cat would behave negatively towards Benny.
Dax: Yeah, go ahead and cast that spell.
Wren: I would like to use a summon spell to create a magical cat from the ether and I will basically stand at the mouth of the alleyway, staring at the cat, so that I can get a mental image of what this cat should look like before I cast my spell.
Dax: Sure. Go ahead and give yourself a Boost just because you’ve taken the time to study this critter to try to get a relatively close approximation.
[Dice rolling]
Wren: Oh, whew. Okay. I have a Success and two Advantages left over.
Dax: Cool. So you are able to summon this fluffy, white cat. Why don’t you describe what this spell looks like and how you want to use your Advantages?
Music shifts to a whimsical plodding tune [44:54]
Wren: I’ve got the spoon and I am going to, essentially, after looking at the cat for far too long, I will turn and face Arthas holding Benny. And I will take the spoon and hold it pointing adjacent to a boxtop or, like, a garbage can lid or whatever is in the alleyway there as a platform. I will start, basically, start tracing a circular outline along the surface of the platform where I’m going to summon this feline and keep doing that circle. My eyes shift from purple to a kind of bluish hue, I think. So, the violet changes to a cerulean color and shimmers a little bit as I am channeling this magical energy. And I say aloud,
Wren (as Eight): Benny, be sure to keep your eyes focused because this is a trick that your relatives probably cannot do.
Wren: And I will trace the spoon up in a cat shape. Kind of, that loaf, and as I move the spoon up, I go back down tracing the same way I did going up and as I go down, basically, puffs of white fur start erupting from the tip of the spoon, almost like a vacuum cleaner put in reverse as just all of this hair just goes…
[Wren imitates fast motion noises]
Dax: That’s terrifying.
Wren: Starts to puff out of it and coalesce together in roughly a cat-mound form. As I’m working my way down, it basically starts at the head. Makes the upper body and makes the rump. Then I do a quick upward flick and it makes a little tail shape with the hair. For a moment, it literally looks like I took a whole wad of old hair and put it in place.
Dax: Ew.
Wren: And then from that wad of hair, it gets more rigid and a little more form and the tail goes from a loose amount of fur and then it kind of gets that bony structure to it and it has a little bit of a wag to it as it comes to life. A pair of eyes kind of erupt from the back of where the head would be and then a little mouth with a little kitty smile and the cat, it looks like it’s head is backwards for a moment, but then the body kind of shifts in place and inverts and then the cat is just staring at Arthas and Benny. With wide, green eyes that mimic the original cat with just a glimmer of more intelligence than what the original cat had. As it just has this weird smirk full of sharp, feline teeth and it’s staring.
Dax: So, we’ll say that while you were casting your spell, Benny became a little distracted by the lights and the tufts of hair flying out of nowhere and started to calm down a little bit. The screeching turned more into gentle crying, to whimpering, until finally when the cat was fully formed, now you have this toddler that is quiet, doing the once-in-a-while sniffles that kids do when they come off of a crying fit. You know, the cheeks are ruddy and puffy and tear-stained. But Benny has eyes for this cat. So you’re successful in calming down this child. What do you want to use the Advantages for?
Wren: I think I would like to notice two things.
Dax: Okay.
Wren: One Advantage for it being that the original cat has slunk off and Benny has not noticed that cat leaving, because of the distraction?
Dax: Okay.
Wren: And then, two, maybe there’s a little hoop in the alleyway that I can grab?
Dax: Like a hula hoop?
Wren: Except maybe smaller?
Dax: Whiskey barrel hoop?
Wren: Yeah. Something like that
Dax: Sure, why not.
Wren: So, seeing this hoop, I will snag it. And I will hold my arm out, my big gauntleted arm and I will look at the cat and say…
Wren (as Eight): Come along now. You have one very important job and that is to keep the child happy.
Wren: And I will indicate Benny. The cat is my ally and will obey my commands! So, I would hope it would jump up on my arm.
Dax: You can ask it to.
Wren (as Eight): Will you please get on my arm?
Dax: The cat does a little but wiggle and leaps and lands on your arm and then crawls up to your shoulder and wraps around your shoulders like a stole. You hear, near your auditory receptors [imitates purring noises].
Wren: Eeeeeh.
Dax: Benny starts giggling [baby giggling noises] at your obvious discomfort.
Wren: Horrifying point, if I might make it. I want this cat to move and shift like, do you remember Tiny Toons with the flabby dog that was all flabby skin and when it would turn around, it would turn in on itself and the head would pop out the other side? I’m kind of envisioning this cat to have nebulous bone structure in that if it turns around it seeps into itself and turns the other direction without any real physical anatomy.
Neil: Like it’s amorphous?
Wren: Like it’s amorphous! It’s just flowing as opposed to moving.
Dax: Sure. Then it slink, slunk, slank and curls around your shoulder.
Wren (as Eight): I shall call this cat “Liquid”.
Dax: And that is where we are going to end that session.
Music fades out [51:18]
Dax: Thanks for listening! We hope you’ll join us next time but in the interim, follow us on Twitter @RoadsUncharted.
The “Roads Uncharted” podcast is GMed and produced by Dax, who you can find on Twitter @GM_Dax. We use the Genesys RPG system published by Fantasy Flight Games, and music licensed by Epidemic Sound.
Arthas, Champion of Offam, is played by Neil.
Eight is played by Wren, who also composed the music for our opening theme. Follow them on Twitter @ThornyDryad.
Rou is played by Kappa, and you can follow him on Twitter @TheKappaChris.