Eight and Arthas continue their adventures in babysitting.
Eight and Arthas arrive at the park with Benny and the illusory cat, Liquid. At first, handing a cat to the toddler does not work in the pair’s favor. Benny’s attention is quickly diverted when a vendor selling treats comes into view. Eight quickly obliges, but learns children are not great at negotiating when they try to exchange the treat for the cat.
Enlisting some help from the vendor, Eight and Arthas are able to get the cat from the child’s tight grip. As a show of appreciation for the assistance, Eight happily performs a trick with Liquid.
Follow Dax @GM_Dax, Kappa @TheKappaChris, and Wren @ThornyDryad
Transcript by Wren
Upbeat piano intro ends [00:28]
Lighthearted string music starts at [00:29]
Dax: Eight and Arthas we return to your babysitting duties. Eight has just summoned a fluffy white cat that they have named “Liquid”. Benny has stopped sobbing. Arthas, are you still carrying Benny?
Neil: I believe I am.
Dax: Okay. And how are you holding this child? Are you doing it like Eight was in the last episode where you were kind of holding the child out as far as possible?
Neil: I think I'm trying to, like, copy what I have seen and keep it supported as best I can with both arms?
Dax: Okay, so a little closer to your body?
Neil: Yeah.
Dax: Okay, okay. Benny is mesmerized by Liquid, the cat, and is completely distracted. It doesn’t take you too much longer to get to the park. As Beverly said, it is on the other side of the residential district. Both of you have gone there before, pretty easy for you to find. It is this wide area full of lush, green grass and trees. There are all different areas full of various shrubberies and flowers. There is a hedge maze that you know of towards the back. Lots of stone benches, fountains and the like.
It’s a very peaceful part of this underground city. You have yet to figure out how all of the greenery grows when there is no sunlight down here. But it is very peaceful and relaxing. What do the two of you do?
Wren: First thing’s first, we should probably find a nice comfortable place to sit down and spend a little time. So, maybe someplace a little bit off of a trail. Maybe someplace with a big ol’ rock for Arthas to sit on, or some kind of structure that might serve as a seat for him?
Dax: Sure! There’s a section in the back that is kind of like a rock garden, so you could probably find a larger rock on the outskirts of said rock garden that would be big enough for Arthas.
Neil: I’ll take a seat, then.
Wren: So, with Arthas taking a seat- Arthas, are you still holding Benny in your lap? Or sitting with him on your leg, knee, what?
Neil: I’ll sit him on my lap and sort of stay stationary.
Wren: Alright, I suppose the first thing I will do, is with Benny kind of seated, I will scoop Liquid up off of me and set the cat on Arthas’ other leg. I will look at the cat and I will say,
Wren (as Eight): Now, Liquid, you be a good kitty and let Benny pet you. Nice and friendly!
Wren: Then I will look at Benny and say,
Wren (as Eight): Benny, this is Liquid. You may pet them.
Dax: Benny has been eyeing this cat. So, now that it is much closer and within touching range, he reaches out his little, chubby hand and starts that “pat pat pat” onto the cat’s head. Not exactly gentle. And then, feeling how soft and fluffy the cat actually is, grabs onto a chunk of fur and holds really tight. The cat goes “reaaawr!”
Wren: I will lean in and interpose myself between him and the cat and I will gently remove the cat from his chubby, little vise grip and say,
Wren (as Eight): Benny. Benny, we must not squeeze the animals. We must pet them softly.
Wren: And I will do my best to mimic a nice, soft pet, with a finger, like, tracing the cat.
Wren (as Eight): It would not be very enjoyable for you if someone grabbed a chunk of your skin and pulled on it. I would hope you would practice a little empathy for the cat. Arthas, do you not believe that is appropriate?
Neil (as Arthas): I mean, I think that’s a good idea.
Wren (as Eight): Always gentle.
Wren: And then I will back up and say,
Wren (as Eight): Now try again.
Dax: Benny very gently pats the cat for a couple strokes and then grabs the cat and tries to pull the cat closer and reaches up underneath the cat’s forearms to grip into that teddy bear hug that little kids do with animals when they get the chance. The cat is not happy. The cat is squirming. The cat is making [growling noise] noises. But Benny is babbling happily and getting nice and comfy with this fluffy cat against his chest.
Wren: I will look at Liquid and just say,
Wren (as Eight): Be nice.
[Dax makes a growling noise]
Wren (as Eight): Less grumbling.
[Dax makes a short grunt]
Wren (as Eight): That’s good.
Dax: I will say that Benny is fine for a couple minutes, then starts to shift the cat to one arm and starts to point behind you Eight. And, Arthas, if you were to follow where Benny is pointing, you would see up and above Eight’s head, what appears to be a wooden cart, being driven by a hunched over, old man. And it has a sign that has the image of a bowl and some sort of brown, white, and pink ball shapes inside of it. Don’t make that face, Wren.
Music shifts to bouncy marimba [6:09]
Neil (as Arthas): Eight, I think he would like one of those.
Wren (as Eight): One of what?
Neil (as Arthas): Those…things.
Neil: And I motion at the cart.
Wren: My gaze follows both Arthas’ and Benny’s gesturing at this point. I’ve still got the bag over one - over my shoulder. I’ve got the hoop in one hand, still.
Dax: Yeah, what is the hoop for?
Wren: You’ll see!
Dax: Okay.
Wren: And I see this cart with a hunched old man and I stop. My hands go to my side and I turn slowly and just look at the two of them.
Wren (as Eight): You think Benny wants an old man driving a cart, Arthas?
Neil (as Arthas): No, no. The things on the cart.
Wren (as Eight): Oh! Is that a peddler’s wagon?
Wren: And I’ll turn again and look.
Wren (as Eight): I’ve heard so much about peddler’s wagons! I’ve never actually seen one before, though. Colored balls? Interesting. If Benny would like one, perhaps we should flag down the old man and see what he is selling?
Neil (as Arthas): A spectacular idea. I, however, am kind of pinned with this child and Liquid. Would you like to ask him?
Wren (as Eight): I suppose I can go do so, yes.
Wren: I will take the hoop with me and walk over to basically intercept the cart, waving with one hand, my non-hoop-holding hand, as I’m approaching the cart.
Dax (as the old man): [raspy, wavering voice] Oh hello, hello!
Dax: Says the old man. His white beard shaking with the effort of him speaking.
Dax (as the old man): And what can I do for you today?
Wren (as Eight): Well, it seems that my temporary child is interested in whatever it is that you’re selling. You are selling something, correct?
Dax (as the old man): Ah, yes, yes. I am selling frozen cream!
Wren (as Eight): Frozen cream?
Dax (as the old man): Yes, yes. Now, your temporary child, where are they? Because I only see you here.
Wren: I step aside and point towards Arthas.
Dax (as the old man): Oh, well, that one is pretty big! Are you sure they wouldn’t like to come and choose their own frozen cream?
Wren (as Eight): My companion Arthas will eat whatever I provide, I am fairly certain. As for temporary child, I will have one of each. One of each for both of my companions!
Dax: The old man leans forward and you can see his eyes are squinting just a little bit.
Dax (as the old man): Hold on, hold on.
Dax: Pulls out from underneath his shirt a set of glasses and as soon as his glasses - these big round glasses - go on his face, you watch as his eyes almost comically appear bigger.
Dax (as the old man): Oh, oh! The little one. The one holding that squirming cat.
Wren (as Eight): Yes.
Dax (as the old man): I see, I see. Would you like a kiddie size or a regular size?
Wren (as Eight): Oh, the cat will not be having any.
Dax (as the old man): No, no, no, no. For your temporary child. Actually, that brings up a good point. Why is it a temporary child?
Wren (as Eight): I am sitting on the baby.
Dax (as the old man): You’re…oh, you’re babysitting!
Wren (as Eight): Yes.
Dax (as the old man): Okay. Now I understand why it’s temporary. A child that small is not going to want one of what I have. You’re going to want a much smaller size. Too much sugar and, well, your temporary child will start bouncing off of the walls.
Wren: I look side-to-side and then I stare into the man’s comically oversized eyes and I say,
Wren (as Eight): That would be impressive, given there are no walls here in the park. I will defer to your expertise in providing child-appropriate sized frozen cream. However, for my friend Arthas, you may provide a normal-sized portion.
Dax (as the old man): Now, we have three kinds. We have what I like to call a “sundae”. I have “momma’s specialty” and I have the standard serving.
Wren (as Eight): What is “momma’s specialty”?
Dax (as the old man): It’s one of each frozen cream topped with marinated oysters.
Wren (as Eight): Goodness, that’s a combination.
Dax (as the old man): It was her favorite.
Wren (as Eight): Then why not call it “momma’s favorite”.
Dax (as the old man): [after a pregnant pause] I don’t know...
Wren (as Eight): I’m sorry, I do not mean to give you any direction on how to run your business!
Dax (as the old man): It’s fine, it’s not a very popular choice among the crowd. That’s why I have it in a limited supply.
Wren (as Eight): Are the oysters fresh?
Dax (as the old man): Well, they’re marinated, so no. Have you ever had pickles?
Wren (as Eight): Um, yes. I’m familiar with pickling.
Dax (as the old man): Pickled oysters.
Wren (as Eight): Interesting. That sounds like it would have an entirely non-enjoyable texture.
Dax (as the old man): It’s actually quite refreshing.
Wren (as Eight): And this “Sundae”. What is that?
Dax (as the old man): One of each of the frozen cream flavors with a warm, chocolate sauce drizzled over it and some fresh cherries.
Wren (as Eight): Ah! I will have that for my companion, Arthas.
Dax (as the old man): Alright, so one sundae and one kiddie supreme.
Dax: This old man pulls out a decent-sized wooden bowl. Scoops out one each of the frozen cream. So, one is white, one is brown and one is pinkish. It’s very pale pink and you can see there are chunks of some sort of red thing in there. He drizzles it with this chocolate sauce and you can see as this steam kind of escapes off of the frozen cream as this warm liquid hits it. He drizzles it over and tops it with these fresh cherries. Then he pulls out a much smaller bowl. It would be about the size of one-third of a cup. He does what is essentially a third of the normal scoops into this bowl and puts one cherry on top.
Wren (as Eight): Now, to verify, this is for the child and not the cat.
Dax (as the old man): Yes, this is for your “temporary child”.
Wren (as Eight): Wonderful. I do have to ask, though, I am fairly curious.
Wren: I’ve been watching this old man scoop the frozen cream into the bowls and such with fascination.
Wren (as Eight): How do you keep it frozen? It is certainly not cold enough to keep cream frozen based on ambient air temperature?
Dax (as the old man): Ah! That is my secret and one I am not willing to share!
Wren (as Eight): I see. Well, you keep your secrets.
Dax (as the old man): That will be five silver, please.
Wren (as Eight): Five silver. I am sure I have that.
Dax: Uh, yeah. I would hope so.
Wren: I will pony up five silver and tuck the hoop under one arm, hold the sundae in one hand and the kiddie supreme in the other. I will come back with everything tucked under my arms and the two bowls in my hands. I will hold the sundae up to Arthas.
Wren (as Eight): I have gotten this for you, because you deserve it, for being such a good sport!
Dax: And each one has one of those flat wooden spoons.
Wren: Oh, the paddle!
Dax: Yes, the paddles.
Neil (as Arthas): A good sport, you say?
Neil: And I will take the ice cream with a free hand and then try and juggle this child and those ice creams.
Wren (as Eight): Arthas, if you would like to enjoy your “sundae”,
Wren: And I do that with air quotes on my one hand.
Wren (as Eight): I believe that Benny would be able to eat his frozen cream from the ground.
Neil (as Arthas): Oh, good idea!
Neil: I will gently set Benny down.
Wren (as Eight): Wonderful.
Music shifts to plucked strings [14:30]
Wren: And I’ll take the kiddie supreme in one hand and kind of squat down in front of the kid.
Wren (as Eight): Benny, I have for you frozen cream.
[Dax imitates excited child whimpers]
Wren (as Eight): What I am proposing is that I will exchange frozen cream for the kitty. Will you let Liquid go?
Dax: Benny reaches out one hand for the cream but does not let the cat go.
Wren: I will pull the frozen cream back.
[Dax makes whining noise]
Wren (as Eight): Benny, if you will let Liquid go, I promise we will delight you with a wonderful trick. But you have to let Liquid go if you want the frozen cream.
Dax: Roll me Negotiation.
Wren: Negotiation.
Dax: I’ll give it to you at Easy difficulty.
[Dice rolling]
Wren: Three Advantage.
Dax: Benny tries once more to reach for the cream and starts to loosen his grip on Liquid. But you can definitely see that the fur is intertwined in this chubby, little hand.
Wren: I will pull the frozen cream back again and I will stand up and just look at Benny.
Wren (as Eight): Well, it is such a shame that you do not wish to partake in the frozen cream, as I have outlined the terms.
Wren: And I will take the paddle and I will scoop a little bit onto the paddle. I will open my jaw -
Dax: Benny starts to cry. Like, real, high-pitched squalling. And it’s the kind where it’s like…
[Dax imitates obnoxious crying sound]
Wren: I will stop with the little paddle partially in my open mouth and I will put it back and I’m still holding it and I will look down at the kid.
Wren (as Eight): I will once again repeat the terms. You will release Liquid and then you will get all of the frozen cream!
Dax: Give me another Negotiation, still Easy difficulty. Give yourself a Boost.
Wren: Applying that pressure.
Dax: Yeah.
[Dice rolling]
Wren: Two Advantage.
Dax: Benny has now brought the cat back in with both of his arms. He’s holding the cat up against himself and he’s crying so much now that now the cat is getting snot on the back of it’s head. Because that’s where the cat’s head is, right by Benny’s face. He hasn’t gotten any louder. But he’s still squalling.
Wren: Probably can’t get any louder.
Dax: Oh, no. He can. You’ve heard it on the way here. I will say that at this point the vendor does walk over.
Dax (as the old man): What seems to be going on? I thought you were going to give this child frozen cream?!
Wren (as Eight): Yes, I was, kind sir. However, I wanted the child to release the cat in exchange for the frozen cream. Did you know that babies are not very good at negotiating?
Dax (as the old man): Well, yes. They’re babies.
Wren (as Eight): What would you suggest I do?
Dax (as the old man): Just keep trying! But remember, you’re not talking to an adult. You have to…
Dax: He kind of scratches underneath his beard for a second.
Dax (as the old man): You have to play to their level.
Wren: I will furrow my brows at that.
Wren (as Eight): Play…to their…level?
Dax (as the old man): Watch this.
Dax: You watch as the old man slowly crouches down until he’s eye-level with Benny.
Dax (as the old man): What is the temporary child’s name?
Neil (as Arthas): Benny.
Dax (as the old man): Ah.
Dax: The old man gets right in front of him.
Dax (as the old man): Benny. Benny, I need you to pay attention. Benny, hey!
Dax: He snaps a little bit. The kid slows down crying a little bit, but is still sniffling.
Dax (as the old man): Do you want frozen cream?
[Dax sniffles loudly]
Dax: Benny nods his head yes.
Dax (as the old man): Alright, you won’t be able to eat frozen cream if you’re holding onto the cat. You need your hands to hold onto the cream. Do you understand?
Dax: Benny starts to sniffle and is slowly starting to calm down.
Dax (as the old man): You want the cream, right?
Dax: Benny nods his head.
Dax (as the old man): You need to let the cat go. Let the cat go.
Dax: You watch as Benny’s fingers slowly release and Liquid does the [whooop] and liquids themselves out from what remains of Benny’s grasp.
Dax (as the old man): There you go! That’s a good sport.
Dax: He slowly stands up.
Dax (as the old man): Now, give the frozen cream.
Wren: I will bend down and give the frozen cream bowl to Benny. Stand up and just scratch my head.
Wren (as Eight): I do not understand. I applied the same terms. I vocalized them in a similar, if not identical manner to the way you did. And yet, our results were completely different.
Dax (as the old man): When you “applied your terms”,
Dax: And with that, the old man uses air quotes.
Dax (as the old man): How did you - did you tell Benny what they had to do? Did you ask?
Wren (as Eight): I asked if they wanted the cream. I indicated that they could enjoy the frozen cream if they released Liquid. Liquid is the name of the cat.
Dax (as the old man): Ah, perhaps it is because I explained why they needed to let go of the cat. I asked do they want the cream? The child nods yes. So I say that you have to let the cat go because you need your hands to eat the cream. Sometimes children don’t make the connection between what we want them to do and what they want. Sometimes you need to walk them through it. I know plenty of adults that are the same way. Ah, see now look, wasn’t that so bad?
Dax: You notice that the old man is looking down at Benny.
Wren (as Eight): He does seem to be enjoying it.
Dax: He is covered in frozen cream.
Wren (as Eight): Arthas, how is yours?
Neil: You notice a distinct lack of frozen cream in my hands.
Dax: Is it also all over your face?
Neil: No, it’s inside of me.
Dax: You did a better job than Benny did.
Wren: Congratulations. [Laughs]
Wren (as Eight): This has certainly been an enlightening experience as far as applying negotiations to children. I suppose I should thank you. Not only for the frozen cream, but for the guidance.
Dax (as the old man): It’s your first time with children, isn’t it?
Wren (as Eight): I hope it is not obvious.
Dax (as the old man): It’s a little obvious. But it’s alright, we all have to learn sooner or later.
Wren (as Eight): I suppose that can be an expectation. Oh! Would you care to see a trick, as a sort of thank you?
Dax: He looks over at his cart, realizes he has no customers and looks back at you.
Dax (as the old man): Sure, why not. You’re not going to rob me, are you?
Wren (as Eight): [jovially] Oh, sir, no. If I was going to rob you, I already would have done that. But that would also be a task that Seven would accomplish. My name is Eight.
Dax (as the old man): Then who is Seven?
Wren (as Eight): Seven is my companion who is less savory in their social dealings.
Dax (as the old man): Alright…
Wren (as Eight): Do not worry, Seven is not here! As I have said, I am Eight and I am a babysitter. Anyways, the trick!
Wren: And I kind of step back and hold my hands out in front of me.
Marimba shifts to accordion music [22:12]
Wren (as Eight): This is going to be a wonderful performance that will astound and surprise you in ways that you probably were not aware that you could still be astounded or surprised! I have, in my hand…
Wren: And I look side-to-side for a moment and then I squat real quick and grab the hoop real quick and stand back up.
Wren (as Eight): I have in my hand, now, a very ordinary hoop. Sir, would you care to see this hoop and verify that it is indeed a normal hoop?
Dax (as the old man): What would you like me to do in order to do that?
Wren (as Eight): Um, it’s part of the showmanship. Satisfy yourself that you are indeed certain that this is nothing but an ordinary hoop in whatever manner of your choosing.
Dax: The old man reaches forward, pushes one hand through the hoop. Takes both hands and kind of rubs his hands along all the hoop sides to make sure there are no weird whatevers.
Dax (as the old man): This seems like a normal hoop to me.
Wren: And I look at Arthas and I look at Benny as I say,
Wren (as Eight): An ordinary hoop. There you have it, my friends.
Wren: I take the hoop back and hold it out.
Wren (as Eight): And I have on my left, an ordinary, everyday, definitely not magical cat!
Wren: And I point with my palm down at Liquid, who is a big ol’ non-descript pile of white fur that suddenly quivers and shifts and the eyeballs kind of pop out as it looks at me.
Dax: Give me one second. I’m going to have this guy do a Perception check, because he did also see this cat kind of liquid itself out from the child’s arms.
[Dice rolling]
Dax (as the old man): Yes, that is a perfectly normal looking cat.
Wren (as Eight): Yes. You are an expert at frozen cream, hoops, and feline identification!
Dax: Hey, everybody’s gotta have a hobby.
Wren: Mhmm.
Wren (as Eight): Now, if I combine these two, I have an astounding trick!
Wren: And I put the hoop in another hand. I hold it out. I step back with my arm outstretched holding the hoop in the air. I look at the cat and say to Liquid,
Wren (as Eight): Liquid, on my command, you will jump through this hoop. Do you understand?
[Dax makes a trilling noise]
Wren (as Eight): I believe that is cat for “yes”.
Wren: And I will hold my hand forward and kind of shift so that I’m standing in front of the hoop with it, like, in front of me. I will motion towards myself with my hand.
Wren (as Eight): And now! Um, gentleman, gentleman, and babies. Witness the magic! Liquid, jump through the hoop!
Wren: And I will motion.
Dax: And once you motion, Liquid does as you ask because they are set to follow your command and they jump through the hoop.
Wren: And I will catch them and have them in my arms.
Wren (as Eight): That is just the first trick! Liquid, if you would please, sit on my head!
Dax: Liquid shimmies up and sits on your head and you hear in your auditory receptors [purring noises].
Wren (as Eight): That’s very unsettling.
Wren: I will take the hoop in both hands, hold it out in front of me and I will say,
Wren (as Eight): Liquid, drop through the hoop!
Dax: Liquid shimmies and does so.
Wren: And then I will hold it out and I will give it to the old man, if he will take it.
Dax: He does.
Wren (as Eight): And just to prove that this is not some sort of strange trick where the cat will only listen to my commands…Liquid will now listen to you, Frozen Cream Man! Give the command and Liquid will jump through the hoop!
Dax: This whole time, Benny has been giggling and clapping his little, chubby hands. The old man holds up the hoop.
Dax (as the old man): Uh, Liquid, jump through the hoop.
Dax: The cat sits there and is bathing. Licking its paw.
Wren: I look at the cat.
Wren (as Eight): Liquid, you will listen to the old man. Try once more.
Dax (as the old man): Liquid, jump through the hoop!
Dax: The cat wiggles its butt and jumps through the hoop.
Dax (as the old man): Oh, well, my word!
Wren: I will clap.
Dax: Benny is clapping and squealing with joy and giggling.
Wren (as Eight): Yes. And this has been Liquid’s magic hoop trick.
Dax (as the old man): Well, that was very entertaining, Eight. Thank you for showing it to me. Oh! I notice that I have some customers, so if you’ll excuse me. Frozen cream! Frozen cream! We have some specialties today!
Music shifts to a slow piano [28:01]
Dax: You hear as the old man walks away. As he does so, Arthas…
Dax: You feel a tugging at your leg. You see Benny is standing there and tugging on your boots and staring up at you with big wide eyes.
Neil: I look down.
Dax: He reaches out his hands and starts opening and closing his fingers, like he’s reaching up for you.
Neil (as Arthas): Ah!
Neil: I will pick Benny up.
Dax: Benny curls up against you. You can feel sticky cheeks up against your collar bone as he tries to nestle in and it isn’t long before he’s sucking on his thumb and sleeping against your shoulder.
Neil (as Arthas): Spectacular.
Neil: And I will ask Eight, in a voice as gentle as I can, how long they think we have been babysitting?
Wren (as Eight): Well, Arthas, I do not own a mantle clock or a pocket watch. But I would feel it safe to assume we’ve spent at least two hours with the child.
Neil (as Arthas): Should we check in with Benny’s mother?
Wren (as Eight): It could not hurt. At the very least, we may catch the tail end of an art history lecture.
Neil: Alright, I suppose we’ll do that then.
Dax: The two of you head off toward the university in search of Maddie’s art history class. And, without further incident, you finish off the last hour of your babysitting adventure. And that is where we will end the session.
Piano music fades out [29:40]
Dax: Thanks for listening! We hope you’ll join us next time but in the interim, follow us on Twitter at RoadsUncharted.
The “Roads Uncharted” podcast is GMed and produced by Dax, who you can find on Twitter at GM_Dax. We use the Genesys RPG system published by Fantasy Flight Games, and music licensed by Epidemic Sound.
Arthas, Champion of Offam, is played by Neil.
Eight is played by Wren, who also composed the music for our opening theme. Follow them on Twitter at ThornyDryad.
Rou is played by Kappa, and you can follow him on Twitter at TheKappaChris.