The group leaves Kidohlva and visits a sulfur pool.
While preparing to leave Kidohlva, each member of the group takes the opportunity to tie up some loose ends. Arthas spends his final two days trying out the various restaurants in the city, and stocking up on supplies.
Rou heads to the library, spending his last two days researching Warforged and Giant-kin in an attempt to better understand his companions. He also requests help from Arthas in learning how to use a sword, something that Arthas is more than happy to help with.
Eight pays a visit to the head of the council, a Silarin named Latham, to learn what they can about the Jruna family. Although there isn’t much the council member can share, Latham is at least able to direct Eight toward the records in Baukora and provides them with a copy of the information.
Once the group is out of the mountains and clear of the city Azarra, they come upon a crossroads in their travels where a woman sells produce. When they learn the crossroads is named for a nearby sulfur pool called The Devil’s Bathtub, they take the opportunity for a detour and visit the local natural wonder.
Follow Dax @GM_Dax, Kappa @TheKappaChris, and Wren @ThornyDryad
Transcript by CJ Kallevig
Upbeat piano intro ends[00:28]
Quirky guitar fades in [00:29]
Dax: Eight, Rou, and Arthas. Where we last left off, you had reconnected with Viktor, who is somebody from Eight’s and Arthas’s past. You received a package from a “V”, and it included a magical item for each of you. A gift, if you will. You spend a couple days in Kidohlva while you have free nights at The Silver Pearl. Over those two days, aside from packing up to leave Kidohlva, what do each of the three of you do? We’ll start with Rou.
Kappa: So I’ve done a lot of research on who I am and my people. What very little of it exists. I figure I should probably understand my companions a little bit more, so I’m going to go back to the library and ask for books on Warforged and Giant-Kin. Just so I can have a better understanding of who I’m traveling with. Not that I don’t trust them, I just feel I want to know them better.
Dax: Yeah, that is not a problem. Why don’t you give a Lore check? Make it at Medium difficulty, so two purple.
Kappa: Sure. [dice rolls] Two Successes and one Threat.
Dax: Okay. So with that, the librarians are able to help you find a little bit of information about Warforged. Not really a problem, they’ve been around for four hundred years, so you learn that years and years ago before the War of the Seven Hells. Warforged actually were created by a group in Baukora. When the War of the Seven Hells broke out, the rebels of Eulela were able to obtain copies of the blueprints and created them to be weapons. Unfortunately, the Empire was also able to obtain copies from nefarious means, which meant that the playing field was essentially evened up. After the war, as part of a good faith effort towards peace, they were ordered to be deactivated and really haven’t been seen over the last four hundred years with the exception of nowadays. The librarians did tell you that what few Warforged are seen in the world today are generally servants of wealthier residents of the continent.
Kappa: Interesting. So over four hundred years, there haven’t really been any Warforged built, right?
Dax: As far as the librarians can share.
Kappa: Yeah, okay.
Dax: Yeah. The one librarian does share with you that the text that they provide you is one that Eight had access to.
Kappa: Hmm, okay.
Dax: It hadn’t been filed away yet, which made it nice and easy. As far as the Giant-Kin are concerned, there is only really one book about Giant-Kin that.. that seems to be considered accurate. Professor Whitmire, after having some discussions with Arthas and learning that some of the information that they had in the library was actually inaccurate, a lot of the texts had already been removed from the shelves. The one book that was left was dedicated.. written and dedicated for the spouse of the author and talked a lot about the pantheon. It talked a lot about their culture and how Giant-Kin tend to live underground because when they did walk amongst the general populace, there was an incident that occurred. And the book is a little vague as to what that incident was.
But essentially as part of a treaty between Giant-Kin and humankind, they agreed to go off into exile so that no more harm could be caused. They tend to survive on goats that live on the mountain crags and they forage for berries and everything else that grows on the mountains. They also have found a way to harvest this phosphorescent lichen that tends to grow in the caves where they dwell. They use that for all sorts of things, medicine and light and sometimes food.
Kappa: Okay. Very interesting.
Kappa (as Rou): I wonder if Eight knows, I wonder if Eight is actually this old or if this book is entirely accurate. And accounts for all Warforged that are currently, are currently active in Eulela. Thoughts for another day.
Kappa: But the, the Giant-Kin, sorry. The Giant-Kin book, this was also perused by Arthas? According to the librarians there?
Dax: According to the librarians, it was the one book that Professor Whitmire was told was generally accurate.
Kappa: Mmm, okay. I’d imagine most other open books that account for giants are folk tales or, of the sort. Okay. Very interesting. Does the book on Giant-Kin account for why Arthas is, does the book describe giants to have, like the tattoos and stuff? Or…?
Dax: This particular one does. It comments on, you receive your first tattoo when you are ten years of age or when you reach six feet, depending on what comes first. Once you make your first successful hunt, you get a variation of that tattoo expanded on. You know, as you reach certain milestones within the clan, that is what builds up. Eventually, you can kind of tell how old or how powerful a member of the clan is based on how little of their skin is left bare.
Kappa: I see. But that, that does not..on Arthas?
[Dax makes a noise of disagreement]
Kappa: Okay.
Dax: Arthas just has “Mom” on his arm.
Kappa: [laughs] That’s right. Okay. That’s really all I had. I’d spend maybe, if that’s really all there is on, on Warforged and Giant-Kin, I’m going to spend the rest of my day mulling it over and maybe trying to find someone to help me swing a sword. Now that I have one.
Dax: Sure. I’ll say it, you know, you’ve spent long enough time in Kidohlva. Beverly, your innkeeper, is able to point you towards like one of the beginning classes at the University. You are able to attend as a guest and learn the rudimentary basics of how to use the sword.
Kappa: Great. That’s all I got in terms of stuff that Rou would do on his own.
Dax: Sure. Wren. What does Eight do in their final two days in Kidohlva?
Wren: Given the discussions that have been occurring recently, meeting up with Viktor, speaking to Arcterus, the very cordial meeting that we had with the Kidohlvan Council. I think that a majority of what I will be accomplishing here is trying to arrange a meeting with the council member that is the envoy for the Ruheran Council. I imagine that, honestly that’s the only thing I can think of that I have to attend to. With Viktor being here to spearhead independent research, I am not feeling as much of a time crunch to check through library books or keep myself busy with, with idle research because we can hopefully… Well, of course, of course I am certain we can rely on Viktor to get everything done that we need to get done. He seems the reliable type. Yeah, I think that’s about the only thing I really need to do. I mean, in addition to meeting with Professor Trela to discuss divination magic.
Dax: Which the audience will hear in a completely separate episode.
Wren: I was just about to say [whispers] which will take place in something separate.
Dax: And actually will be posted before this one.
Wren: [normal voice] So you’ve already heard it! Congratulations listener! To me from your past -
Dax: Anyway. [laughs]
Wren: My future. Congratulations.
Dax: I love that we break the fourth wall so much in this show.
Wren: So yeah, that’s about all I’m going to do. Otherwise, I’m gonna just kind of like hang out at the inn. Maybe go to the park every now and then and look for the frozen cream guy. And see if I can learn his secret to keeping frozen cream frozen.
Dax: Just like you did that one vendor, you learned some of the secrets of the kerfuffle.
Wren: Yes. But this.. that old gentleman seemed incredibly tight lipped about frozen cream’s secret to [in old man voice] “staying frozen”.
Dax: Alright, so here’s what we’re going to do. I’m gonna have you roll to see if you were able to get any information and then we’ll deal with your meeting with the council member because unfortunately the only slot they could fit you in was towards the end of the day on the second day.
Wren: I knew it. I knew there would be bureaucracy to have to cut through. I’m just glad they could see me before the end of the second day.
Dax: Give me a Charm check at Medium difficulty please.
Wren: Ah yes, Charm. My strongest skill. Did you know that Eight is as charming as James Bond? [dice rolls]
Dax: Does Eight also drink a martini, shaken not stirred?
Wren: Yes. I have a Success.
Dax: It takes a little poking and prodding, and mayhap an inadvertent implication that the vendor’s not going to live forever and who else will pass on his tradition. He does share with you the secret that the, it is a chemical component that he pours into the bowl that basically flash freezes the cream. And all he has to do is make sure that the cart is filled with ice to maintain its structure. Which is also why he only sells it a couple of hours each day.
Wren (as Eight): Interesting. I wonder where one would go to come into possession of such a chemical compound.
Dax (as the old vendor): [creaky, old person voice] Well, all you have to do is find an alchemist of course.
Wren (as Eight): Ah!
Wren: And I’ll slap my forehead with my palm.
Wren (as Eight): Of course! It’s so simple! An alchemist.
Wren: I’ll look to the old man.
Wren (as Eight): Those are the types of people that do magic with chemicals, yes?
Dax (as the old vendor): Magic is not the word I would have used, but yes.
Wren (as Eight): Well, I do not know what else I would call it. But, they mix things together and make amazing things happen. That is…
Dax (as the old vendor): I believe it’s called scin-cee, I think that’s what they call it.
Wren (as Eight): Scin-see… I’ve never heard of such a thing. Where does it originate?
Dax: Vendor shrugs.
Dax (as the old vendor): No idea.
Wren (as Eight): Hmmm. Well, you say it with a lot of conviction and I don’t have the wherewithal to disagree with you. Therefore, scin-cee it is! I must learn more about this scin-cee. Perhaps my companion Rou knows something about it. At any rate, thank you for divulging the secret of frozen cream to me finally. I, I must say, I was worried that after buying so many servings, you would simply dismiss me as some sort of crazed fanatic.
Dax (as the old vendor): I had my doubts, to be sure.
Wren (as Eight): I apologize for the fact that I cannot actually consume it and therefore was giving it away instead. Speaking of which,
Wren: And I’ll turn to the nearest passerby.
Wren (as Eight): Would you like one of Mother’s favorite frozen creams? It’s oysters flavored.
Dax (as passerby): [femme voice, British accent] No… thank you. I’m just going to get a strawberry.
Wren (as Eight): Ah, yes. That is a superior flavor I assume.
Wren: I’ll turn to the next person.
Wren (as Eight): Would you like one of Mother’s favorite oyster flavored frozen creams?
Dax: I will say, nobody in line takes this from you.
Wren (as Eight): A true shame.
Wren: And I will look to the nearest planter, and I will just dump the frozen cream into the planter.
Dax: Okay. You get your meeting with the member of the council. You’re shown into a side room in the council chambers where there is a nice wooden desk and lots and lots of bookshelves. A Silarin sits before you and waits for you to indicate why you’re there.
Wren (as Eight): Hello! I am Eight and you must be Council member Latham. I am here on an appointment to meet with you. I appreciate you taking the time to cut some empty space for me in your busy schedule.
Dax (as Latham): [slightly deeper, British masc voice] Always happy to help, Eight. What is it that you need?
Wren (as Eight): I would like to speak with you about the Ruheran Council.
Dax (as Latham): What is it you wish to know?
Wren (as Eight): How long have you been a member of the Ruheran Council?
Dax (as Latham): I have been a member for about a hundred years.
Wren (as Eight): Ah! Excellent. That’s quite the length of time.
Dax (as Latham): Indeed.
Wren (as Eight): As a follow up question, I must ask. Do you have any knowledge of the Jruna family?
Dax: The Silarin kind of furrows his brow at first.
Dax (as Latham): Do you happen to know when they would have served?
Wren (as Eight): Oh, it was quite some time ago. They were, according to my research, a family that originally created the blueprints for those of my kind. And they were members of the Ruheran Council. I was hoping you might have some sort of information regarding their history, where I might find current members of the family, should any still exist.
Dax: He stands up, turns around, and starts perusing through a subsection of books on his bookshelves. These are much larger, they’re thin. He opens one such, lays it out flat on the desk and as he’s perusing through the pages, he stops and looks up at you.
Dax (as Latham): Did the family crest look like this?
Dax: And points to a page where that crest with the ibis sits.
Wren: I will lift up the draping shoulder wrap that I have to display my own crest symbol and I will just nod.
Wren (as Eight): Yes, that’s exactly what I’m looking for. Does this book contain information about that family?
Dax (as Latham): It’s more of an accounting of when members served. Ah, so according to this, the Jruna family stopped serving on the council about three hundred years ago. Does that sound about right to you?
Wren (as Eight): I know it has been some time. I suppose I was hoping that existing members of the council may know more or have access to records that were not kept in the library here. Is it possible that there may be more private records that council members might have access to? Maybe in a localized depository?
Dax (as Latham): Hmmm. Not here. Because the family is from Baukora, all their private records would be there. All we have is an accounting of how long they served, who the serving members were, and so forth. All we have listed is that when they stopped serving, it was because the member of the council decided not to run again and gave up their seat.
Wren: I will tilt my head, quizzically.
Wren (as Eight): Do you have the name of the last member to serve on the council for the family?
Dax (as Latham): It looks like it was a Lord Evan Buxley. At least that’s the name we were given.
Wren (as Eight): Interesting.
Dax (as Latham): If it helps, it does list the city of birth as Ankhora.
Wren (as Eight): In Baukora? Very interesting. This is most enlightening, and just to clarify. These records that would be stored across the ocean in Baukora, are they only accessible to members of the council or is it possible for outsiders with explicit permission to gain access?
Dax (as Latham): Unfortunately I don’t have knowledge of that. We know so little about the people over there.
Wren (as Eight): Then,
Wren: And I will kind of tap my forefingers together in an awkward motion.
Wren (as Eight): It may be awfully presumptuous of me, but would perhaps you be willing to write a letter of introduction and request I gain access to records regarding this family? This is important to me as it pertains to my own origination. And you are the only person I know who may be able to grant me such access.
Dax: Give me a Charm check, give it to me at Hard difficulty.
Wren: Just three purple, no reds or anything?
Dax: Mhmm. Yep, just three.
Wren: Okay. [dice rolls] Ufff, oh no. Okay. That’s three Threat and a Failure.
Dax (as Latham): As much as I would like to help you, Warforged, that is unfortunately something I cannot do. What I can do is I can at least make a copy of the information we have here. Perhaps someone over there, knowing you have this information, will be a little bit more amenable to giving you access.
Wren: I will smile meekly and nod my head and give a kind of half bow.
Wren (as Eight): Thank you Council member Latham. That is most generous of you and far beyond what I honestly expect to have received.
Dax: Arthas. What do you do for the last two days in Kidohlva?
Neil: I guess, because I have a little free time, I’ll probably just more around a little bit and see what sort of food Kidohlva has to offer that isn’t, like, you know, strange meat from a bag I carry around. Or field rations.
Dax: So you’re going to stock up on whatever stuff you can find and just stick it in your meat bag?
Neil: Half stock up, half check in on other little restaurants in the area. You know, see if there’s a board labeled Yelp or some sort of review for restaurants.
Dax: So, there isn’t exactly a review process but you, you are able to gather from the students you talk to and some of the locals that live there all year round, that there are some restaurants, some bakeries that you can try out. Known to have the best and/or the cheapest, greasiest food in the city. And that’s not, not a problem. It’s easy for you to find that stuff and they’re able to point you to some little known markets and things so you can buy dried meats and cheeses and things like that too.
Neil: Spectacular. That’s, that’s about my day.
Dax: That’s all you’re going to do for two days, is eat and stock up?
Neil: Pretty much, yeah.
Dax: I mean that’s fair. I think if I had nothing to do for two days, I would do the same. [chuckles]
Kappa: At some point, I’d approach Arthas and I, I have a question. If, maybe, maybe closer to a favor from Arthas.
Neil (as Arthas): What can I do for you?
Kappa (as Rou): So, one of the gifts that we got, the one designated to me was a sword. I mean, you know this. You were there. And, I was really hoping I could perhaps learn a little bit? I mean, you are a knight and this, maybe this could help us both. You know, knights are, are, are, are, at least from what I understand, knights are always willing to help and I have need of help. I want to learn.
Neil (as Arthas): Have you held a sword before in your life?
Kappa (as Rou): No. No, I imagine it’s depending on the.. see, I took a class but they were using, they were using these much more heavier swords than the one I’ve got. So it was very hard to translate.
Neil (as Arthas): Step One.
Neil: Dax, is there a stick nearby?
Dax: I guess it depends. Where are ya? If you’re at the park, yes. If you’re just by the inn, no.
Neil: Where are we? If I’m by the inn, I’m going to go find a broomstick.
Dax: That works, yeah. That’s easy to find.
Kappa: And how, so we didn’t decide what kind of, what kind of sword this is gonna be. Thinking like a, like a hand and half sword?
Dax: I will put it in your chat.
Kappa: Sure. [chuckles]
Dax: Cause I told you what the -
Kappa: Yeah, what it does.
Dax: The ability was, I forgot to give you the actual stuff.
Kappa: Which is, okay. But yeah, so. Just, just, in conversation with Arthas, trying to find a broom.
Kappa (as Rou): Yeah, so, so I mean, I know, I think I understand the basics and all that. I just feel like if we’re leaving soon, I’m going to need just a little bit more sustained, you know, influence than the one two-hour class that I, that I audited earlier today.
Music shifts to a whimsical tune [25:49]
Neil: I snap the head off the handle and hand Rou the stick.
Neil (as Arthas): This is your sword for the moment.
Kappa (as Rou): Oh! Okay, I’m very familiar with sticks.
Neil (as Arthas): Now, I’m going to shove you. Please prepare yourself.
Kappa (as Rou): What?
Neil: I shove Rou to figure out which foot he falls back on.
Kappa (as Rou): [grunt] Oh, okay!
Kappa: I fall on my butt.
Neil (as Arthas): Now we’re going to do that again, but this time, maintain your footing.
Kappa (as Rou): Oh, okay… Sure. [chuckles] Maybe a sort of countdown, or you know, like on one? Maybe three? Maybe one, two, three go?
Neil (as Arthas): Ah.
Kappa (as Rou): Three, two, one go?
Neil (as Arthas): One.
Neil: And then I shove.
Kappa: And I will, I will fall back on my, what was it, my left foot?
Neil (as Arthas): Good. Now notice that your legs are apart and one of your feet is pointing at me.
Kappa (as Rou): Oh, yes.
Neil (as Arthas): This is called circling. Stay like that.
Neil: And I’m going to prepare my weapon as if I was going to hurt Rou, but I will of course not.
Kappa: Okay.
Neil (as Arthas): Notice. If I step forward, point your broomstick at me.
Kappa (as Rou): Oh, okay.
Kappa: Point.
Neil: And I’m going to walk into the broomstick in such a way that the front of the stick stabs me in the torso.
Neil (as Arthas): Observe that if I walk towards you and do nothing to get your weapon out of the way, I die.
Kappa (as Rou): [stammers] Sure! Yes… This is, this is a very effective, I’m very good at this.
Neil (as Arthas): This is called Bull Stance. I have to do something about your weapon.
Kappa (as Rou): A Bull Stance? Okay.
Neil: And then I’m going to hit his sword.
Kappa (as Rou): Oh! Okay, so that’s that’s that’s, is a, that’s a parry. Or block?
Neil (as Arthas): Kind of. The big thing is, notice your point is no longer going to affect me. What are you going to do about it?
Kappa (as Rou): Well, I’m going to try and point it back at you.
Neil (as Arthas): No, because now I can hurt you. Step backwards.
Kappa (as Rou): Oh. Sure.
Kappa: I will step backwards.
Kappa (as Rou): Circling.
Neil (as Arthas): Your ability to hurt someone is directly correlated to how much blood you have in your body.
Kappa (as Rou): I never thought of it like that.
Neil (as Arthas): You’ll learn in time.
Neil: And with that, I’d probably just explain most technique that I understand that goes into actual sword fighting and not me clubbing things with a big rock.
Kappa: I imagine it’s, it’s very much like a lot of Arthas’s self-taught techniques, like the whole ‘your ability to fight is dependent on the amount of blood that you’ve got in your body’ or, you know. Other, other like Arthas-isms like that.
Neil: Yeah, like there’s legitimate training in there. It’s just been, you know, mangled a little bit.
Kappa (as Rou): So, okay. So Bull technique. I think I understand that. This, is this because bulls sort of with their horns in a piercing motion with that? Is that what’s going on here? Is that -
Kappa: As we’re practicing, like clink clang. More like wood sticks, clack click.
Neil (as Arthas): More, more that if you hold that weapon point forward, if I charge you, I die.
Kappa (as Rou): Ahhh. It is very useful.
Neil (as Arthas): Weapon ranging is important.
Kappa (as Rou): See, I’m very, I’m very good at the blocking. I used to, I used to have that stick, you know and I was very good at deflecting attacks. That was all based on sense and intuition. None of, none of, this is quite different.
Kappa: As I’m swinging a sword and learning footing.
Neil (as Arthas): Staying on your feet is 90% of it. If you fall over, you die.
Kappa (as Rou): Well… okay. So, so what’s the other 10%?
Neil (as Arthas): Violence.
Kappa (as Rou): Hmmm. Okay. So, so the actual fighting is only 10% of whatever this is.
Neil (as Arthas): More or less. Most people don’t want to die in a sword fight.
Kappa (as Rou): See, this is why I prefer talking and trying to reason with people. This is not…it’s much easier to fight with words.
Neil (as Arthas): And that’s why you have the 10%.
Kappa (as Rou): I’m very tired [grunts]. Not used to this. I’m going to have to practice more.
Neil (as Arthas): Now, the other cool thing you can do with a sword. May I see it?
Kappa (as Rou): Uh, sure!
Kappa: Is this the sword or the broomstick? Are you asking for the broomstick or the sword?
Neil: The sword sword.
Kappa: Okay.
Kappa (as Rou): Sure. Here you go.
Neil (as Arthas): Now, If you fight someone wearing armor, this will do nothing.
Neil: And I’m gesturing at the blade.
Kappa (as Rou): Mhmm.
Neil (as Arthas): Now, I have no issue with it as I have a blunt instrument. However,
Neil: And I would like to turn the blade over my hands so I am holding the blade.
Neil (as Arthas): This part is also a weapon.
Neil: And I gesture at the crossguard.
Kappa (as Rou): Oh!
Neil (as Arthas): You can club someone to death with this.
Kappa (as Rou): Oh! Okay! Use every part of the sword.
Neil (as Arthas): Precisely. Everything is a weapon.
Kappa (as Rou): Now, what should I be doing with my other hand?
Neil (as Arthas): Holding the other part of the sword.
Kappa (as Rou): Oh, okay. So two hands, two hands. My hands can’t quite fit on, like it kind of falls off the end, if I’m holding it with both hands. Is that okay? Is that -
Neil (as Arthas): More or less. You are trying to give the person a concussion.
Kappa (as Rou): Ohhhhh. Okay. Okay. Very cool. Arthas, I really appreciate this. Are there, are there some sort of, like, forms that I can do? Just to, you know, on my own?
Neil (as Arthas): There’s the pell.
Neil: And I just walk to a tree and explain.
Neil (as Arthas): There are six zones on a pell. The right head, the left head, the right torso, the left torso, the right leg, the left leg. Learn how to strike each part of it.
Neil: And I just use the broomstick and do some very basic sword technique on it.
Kappa: I’m going to try and follow along and mime it on my own.
Neil (as Arthas): Precisely. A big part of this is muscle memory. Continue doing that until you’re comfortable with it.
Kappa (as Rou): And maybe, maybe more can hold the sword for longer. Okay. Did anyone teach you this, Arthas?
Neil (as Arthas): A long time ago, yes.
Kappa (as Rou): What, what was, what was that like? Were you much shorter back then?
Neil (as Arthas): Not much shorter. But the pells were much more fragile.
Kappa (as Rou): Oh I see. And how long was it before you were, you were comfortable?
Neil (as Arthas): After the thirteenth pell.
Kappa (as Rou): Thirteenth pell… Oh you went through, you went through thirteen of these?
Neil (as Arthas): Restraint is another part of this.
Kappa (as Rou): Hmmm. I’d imagine so, you need to conserve your energy, just like running. In order to be able to do this longer, you need to make sure you are managing your stamina.
Neil (as Arthas): Precisely. And, you know, make sure the other guy’s out of it first.
Kappa (as Rou): Removing all of their blood from their body.
Neil (as Arthas): Precisely.
Neil: And yeah, probably spend a little bit going over that and consider Rou a graduate of Arthas’s little sword school.
Kappa: Awesome.
Wren: Arthas’s Giant School of Little Swordplay.
Dax: So it sounds like the three of you are pretty busy over your last two days in Kidohlva. Beverly not only lost out on two night’s pay, but she also lost two broomsticks in the process.
Kappa: [laughing] What happened, where’d the second one come from?!
Dax: Didn’t Arthas take both off? Two heads, two broomsticks apart? For your little display? Or was it just the one?
Neil: Oh I was using my sword.
Dax: Oh! Okay, well then she lost a singular broomstick in the process. I’m sorry, I misunderstood that.
Neil: I will of course pay to replace it.
Dax: The like, five silver it costs to replace a broomstick.
Wren: A suitable replacement stick.
Dax: Because you are not waiting for the route to open up in a couple of months, I would like the three of you to give me a group Survival check.
Kappa: Survival.
Dax: At Hard difficulty.
Wren: So Survival is keyed off of…
Kappa: I have three, three Cunning.
Wren: Cunning. Cool, cause I have one. I have a rank in Survival. Is that, is that the most ranks?
Kappa: I don’t know. Arthas, how many, how many Survival?
Neil: I also have a rank in Survival. And I have two Cunning.
Wren: So it looks like we’re going to use Rou’s Cunning and one rank of Survival.
Kappa: Cool. So that is two green, one yellow. Got it.
Dax: Mhmm. And three purple.
Music shifts to a quirky guitar [35:00]
[dice rolls]
Kappa: Well that rolled for a long time. One Threat, no, no Threat and three Success. It was a very good roll.
Dax: So, thank god you have a Giant-Kin in the party who is very used to traversing mountains in the snow. Normally, on the safe route, this trip would have taken you two weeks. Y’all actually make it through the mountains in a week, and safely nonetheless. No encounters, no nothing, no weird icicle wolves like you did back up in Westbridge. You’re able to easily traverse the fields and the roads, heading past and around Azarra. Each day it gets colder. Every morning you wake up to fog. Sometimes the day is sunny, which helps with the chill. But every tree you pass, you see that the leaves are starting to drop from the trees. Everything is oranges and browns and yellows. After a few days of travel, you come to a crossroads where you see a woman peddling a cart of vegetables.
Wren: Now when you say peddling, do you mean selling? Or is she on a bicycle, pulling a cart of vegetables?
Dax: P-e-d-d-l-e, selling.
Wren: Okay.
Dax: Not p-e-d-a-l. [chuckles] As you get closer, you hear,
Dax (as the vendor): [femme, raspy, cockney accent] Cabbages! Carrots, po-tay-toes for sale!
Wren (as Eight): If we are in need of amping up our fresh produce for meals, I would be perfectly happy to procure new supplies. That we might enjoy a fresh stew.
Kappa (as Rou): Oooo. I do like a good spud. Selling vegetables, you say?
Neil (as Arthas): Produce, you say?
Wren (as Eight): We do say. Would you also care for some produce, Simply Arthas?
Neil (as Arthas): Yes, please.
Kappa (as Rou): Ah, sure. Oh, okay, okay. Hello? Vegetable merchant? We are, we are -
Dax (as vegetable vendor): You can call me Agatha.
Kappa (as Rou): Hello Agatha the vegetable merchant. We are interested in procuring some of your wares. Your, your, your produce.
Dax (as Agatha): That’s fine, that’s fine. What can I get you today, young sir?
Kappa (as Rou): Well, it would, we are going to make some stew.
Kappa: I look over at Eight.
Kappa (as Rou): Not sure what goes in the stew, but…
Dax (as Agatha): What kind of meat do you puttin’ in the stew?
Wren (as Eight): Grey paste.
Dax: Agatha looks disgusted.
Wren (as Eight): What? It’s highly nutritious.
Dax (as Agatha): That’s not meat. I’m talkin’ you’re puttin’ in rabbits, you’re puttin’ in goat. Is it gonna be beef? Pork?
Wren (as Eight): Well, I suppose that depends on what is available for hunt in this location.
Dax (as Agatha): Fine, fine. So there’s probably gonna be some rabbits, they’re the easiest ones unless you want squirrel. So here.
Dax: She grabs, like, this cloth sack and she starts rummaging through her produce. You can see her grabbing a couple potatoes and carrots, and each time she grabs something, she goes,
Dax (as Agatha): You’re gonna need some spuds, you’re gonna need some carrots, oh and here. Have some cabbages because that always goes well in the stew. Makes you regular too.
Wren (as Eight): Regular in relation to what?
Dax: She stops, looks at you, looks back at her vegetables.
Kappa (as Rou): Very organic.
Dax (as Agatha): Oh and you’re gonna want some herbs.
Dax: And she just grabs like, a handful of this green stuff that she has in a pot next to the cart. She just tosses it in the cloth bag.
Dax (as Agatha): That’ll be five gold.
Kappa: I will put up the gold.
Dax (as Agatha): Thank you kind sir. Thank you for your, your purchases today, and if there’s anything else you need, just don’t forget Agatha’s Peddling Cart of Vegetables right here anytime you need it.
Kappa (as Rou): Here? This crossroads?
Dax (as Agatha): Aye sir, everyday. Or at least everyday that we have produce.
Kappa (as Rou): Well, if we’re going to be referring people to this crossroads, does this crossroads have some sort of name or something that could be found on any sort of map? Cause we just, we just came here. It was on the way.
Dax (as Agatha): Devil’s Bathtub.
Kappa (as Rou): The Devil’s Bathtub?!? [chuckles]
Dax: She nods.
Dax (as Agatha): And next you’re gonna ask why the Devil’s Bathtub, everybody always does. If you go down that road,
Dax: She points behind her.
Dax (as Agatha): About a mile, there’s a sulfur pit and it smells like, you know, well you know.
Kappa (as Rou): Ahh.
Dax (as Agatha): So we call that the Devil’s Bathtub and this is the cross, closest crossroads to it.
Kappa (as Rou): Yes, okay.
Wren (as Eight): Friends, would we like to see one of the local sites? This Devil’s Bathtub sounds very interesting.
Kappa (as Rou): Is it really like a fart?
Kappa: I’ll ask Agatha.
Dax (as Agatha): Worse. Think if an animal crawled up your arse and died, and then you farted it out. That’s what it smells like.
Kappa: I look over at Eight and Arthas.
Kappa (as Rou): You know, I’m, I’m still curious but I’m, the, the worry is, is going to, starting to overtake that. I will go if you two would like to go. But, my nose is quite sensitive. I’m sure you understand.
Wren: I look at Rou, confused for a moment and then it kind of clicks in my head.
Wren (as Eight): Oh! You’re afraid that this “dead animal fart smell” will overwhelm your senses.
Kappa (as Rou): Precisely.
Wren (as Eight): Perhaps we might be able to find a higher elevation at which to look down upon the sulfur springs and appreciate their majesty without the stink.
Kappa (as Rou): No, no. It’s, it’s just right there. It’s a mile, we can go and then leave. Go, and if it’s too much, I can just plug my nose.
Wren (as Eight): I suppose I could enchant your nose to smell something pleasant.
Kappa (as Rou): You can do that???
Wren (as Eight): Or at the very least, I can protect you from the stink.
Kappa (as Rou): Oh that’s right. Yes. Is there any risk of permanently damaging my nose?
Wren (as Eight): I cannot say for certain. Magic is fickle. Though, I cannot say I’ve ever caused anyone to lose their sense of smell.
Kappa (as Rou): You know, sure. Eight, I trust you. Let’s go check this place out. I’d like to see it, it does sound very cool. I, I just, wouldn’t want to smell it. That’s the problem. Those two, two senses don’t agree.
Wren (as Eight): You will have to describe the scent for me in detail, as I am unable to experience it.
Kappa: I will start describing it to you from further away as we are walking up, and then, hopefully, the spell works. I won’t be overwhelmed, you’ll have some sort of idea.
Dax: Alright, Eight. Which umbrella spell type are you casting?
Wren: I was thinking of a protection spell.
Dax: Okay.
Wren: And I am going to make a dome of protective air, that will smell like what Rou has described to me. Because I don’t want to rob Rou of the experience. But I don’t want it to be as strong as the regular smell.
[Kappa laughs]
Dax: Okay, so you’re finding a way to mute the smell a little bit, is what you’re getting at.
Wren: Yeah, like, like the subdued version of the smell.
Dax: It is so nice, you went ‘I want Rou to smell the fart, but I don’t want you to smell the -’
Wren: I don’t want it to be too powerful! [laughs]
Dax: I don’t want it to be at magnitude one hundred, I want it to be magnitude five. [laughs] God, alright. Uh, Medium difficulty, go ahead.
Wren: And I suppose if I can, I’d like to also do this for Arthas as well. Because I don’t want Arthas to smell the awful fart.
Neil: Appreciated!
Dax: Sure.
Wren: [dice rolls] Just the little fart. Um, well, I just have an Advantage left over.
Dax: Alright Eight, what do you think?
Wren: I think it would work for a little bit, but as we get closer, it just, it like cuts the fart smell in some magnitude. But it just doesn’t prevent it entirely.
Dax: Not as much as you’d hoped.
Wren: Yeah.
Dax: Yeah, that’s fair. I will say about three-quarters of a mile out, you do start to smell this thing, Rou. And then when you get a little closer, that is when Arthas would smell it. You do arrive at this gigantic sulfur pool. And it is absolutely gorgeous, it has this beautiful teal and turquoise and dotted with oranges and pinks. It’s just gorgeous and all the stones around it are this beautiful shiny white. It’s just, if it weren’t for the smell, it would be a very pleasant place. There are no trees around it, you don’t really hear any birds so it does feel kind of dead. It’s not like the water’s moving. It is this very beautiful mirror. But it does reek.
Kappa (as Rou): What did she call this place again?
Wren (as Eight): The Devil’s Bathtub.
Kappa (as Rou): Oh, okay. It’s more, more like, more like the Devil’s Butthole. Eight it’s really, it’s very powerful. The, the description Agatha gave us is quite apt. Maybe, maybe throw in some, some more of that rotten egg smell.
Wren: I will inhale very deeply.
Wren (as Eight): [deep sniff] Ahhhhh... I do not smell a thing.
Kappa: I’m covering my nose. I’m actually pinching my nose.
Kappa (as Rou): [nasally, stifled] You know, that might be for the better. You can, you can detect the chemical compounds, right? It’s like taste.
Wren (as Eight): Ah yes! I would have to taste some of the water, I suppose.
Kappa (as Rou): [nasally, stifled] Do you think that’s allowed?
Wren: I will look around.
Wren (as Eight): Well, I do not see any signs that say ‘please do not taste water’.
Kappa (as Rou): [nasally, stifled] Then I dare you to do it Eight.
Wren (as Eight): You…
Wren: And I will use air quotes,
Wren (as Eight): “dare me” to do it?
Kappa (as Rou): [nasally, stifled] I challenge you.
Wren (as Eight): Oh! Like, a test of fortitude.
Kappa (as Rou): [nasally, stifled] Yes.
Wren (as Eight): Will you be participating?
Kappa (as Rou): [nasally, stifled] Absolutely not.
Wren (as Eight): Then who am I competing against?
Kappa: I am mulling it over.
Wren (as Eight): Simply Arthas, will you consume this sulfuric water with me?
Neil (as Arthas): I will not.
Wren (as Eight): Ah. Well,
Kappa (as Rou): [nasally, stifled] It’s more of like, testing at your own limits and experiences.
Wren (as Eight): Oh yes! New experiences! I have never consumed water from a sulfuric geyser before. Perfect!
Wren: And I will hurry over to the nearest puddle and I will just scoop some up in my hand, and you will see me almost greedily pour it straight into my mouth.
Wren (as Eight): Ah, yes.
Wren: After letting the water settle on my tongue for a moment, you’ll hear,
Wren (as Eight): Oh! [smacks tongue] That is very sulfurous. In fact, I would wager that it is potentially lethal if consumed by an organic.
Kappa (as Rou): [nasally, stifled] That’s very good that we did not participate in this challenge then.
Wren (as Eight): Yes. Although it would be very apt to challenge your [clears throat] limits.
Kappa (as Rou): [nasally, stifled] Are you saying that I should breathe in?
Wren (as Eight): No. I am simply saying, if you would like to push your limits, this would be a great chance to do so! Otherwise, I would not tell you what you should or should not do.
Kappa: I’m going to, I’m going to talk normally, but imagine I am plugging my nose.
Kappa (as Rou): I will say, the Devil’s Butthole is quite beautiful.
Dax: You know what, just for the sake of that. And that’s where we’re going to end the session.
Music fades out [48:26]
Dax: Thanks for listening! We hope you’ll join us next time but in the interim, follow us on Twitter @RoadsUncharted.
The “Roads Uncharted” podcast is GMed and produced by Dax, who you can find on Twitter @GM_Dax. We use the Genesys RPG system published by Fantasy Flight Games, and music licensed by Epidemic Sound.
Arthas, Champion of Offam, is played by Neil.
Eight is played by Wren, who also composed the music for our opening theme. Follow them on Twitter @ThornyDryad.
Rou is played by Kappa, and you can follow him on Twitter @TheKappaChris.