Sira, a librarian in Kidohlva, reads the diary of the Emperor’s mistress and discovers a few secrets.
CW: This episode references miscarriages and the grief associated with them. While this is implied to have happened off screen, we take your safety and enjoyment seriously. Skip 02:55 to 03:31, 07:45 to 8:08 and 10:58 to 11:12 if this would be triggering to you.
Join Dax as she shares another story from the War of Seven Hells. This is the fifth and final in a series of short episodes that give a peek into what was going on hundreds of years before the show begins.
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Transcript by Dax
Upbeat piano intro ends [00:28]
Dax: Please note that this episode references miscarriages and the grief associated with them. We take your enjoyment and safety seriously, so please see the show notes for associated time stamps if this content would be triggering for you.
Music shifts to thoughtful piano [00:44]
Dax: Sira squeezed between the stacks, navigating the old storage area with ease. Surrounded by the smell of old tomes and dust, she hummed pleasantly to herself as she made the last turn to clear the racks. Making her way to a small table where ink and parchment had been laid out, she gently thumbed the small book in her hand.
Dax (as Sira): [femme voice, British accent] Alright, let’s see what secrets you have for me this time.
Dax: Sira set the book – a diary, in fact – down at the table before lighting a single taper candle. She folded her robes so they wouldn’t wrinkle as she sat on the stone bench. Propping a pillow behind her back, she leaned against the wall and opened the diary to the page she had marked with the ribbon.
Dax (as Sira): Dear Diary…
Music shifts to a sad tune [01:38]
Dax (as the writer): [femme voice, slightly deeper tone] Dear Diary, it was another dreary day at court. I cannot believe she had the nerve to approach his Imperial Majesty.
Dax (as Sira): Oh! Oh my goodness…oh my! Ugh I knew I was right! I knew it was one of his mistresses! I can’t wait for the Masters to hear about this!
Dax: Sira jotted down a few notes on the first piece of bare parchment before continuing.
Dax (as the writer): She dared to claim I was corrupting the court. Please, as if she has any evidence of such nonsense. Thankfully, he saw right through her and denounced her claims as mere slander. She’ll be beheaded before the sun rises, so that’s one more down. I knew planting that rumor among the nobles would make its way to her ears. Honestly, I thought she would figure out that it was an obvious lie, but she’s clearly more of a fool than I imagined.
Dax: Sira paused and added more notes to her parchment. She wrote, “Look up beheaded nobility of the Imperial Court. Rumor Mill?” She continued on.
Dax (as the writer): That may be all the good news for today, Dearest Diary, for today was dreary for another reason. His Majesty is…angry with me. I’ve lost another one and I do not know how much more he will tolerate. I did everything right this time – I ate those gods awful herbs that Maruk recommended, I’ve been resting and drinking enough water. His Majesty even shipped in fresh fruit from the coast at Maruk’s suggestion. I am unsure how much more of this I can take, truth be told.
Dax: With the entry ended, Sira sighed sadly before flipping the page. She was struck by the sight of a dried flower that had been pressed between the pages. Even after all this time, the gentle purple of its petals stood out against the yellowing paper. She caressed it softly, wondering if it was a gift or what special meaning it might have held for the writer. She turned the next page gently, and continued reading. The date was listed as a week after the last entry.
Music shifts to a hopeful tune [04:07]
Dax (as the writer): Dear Diary, I’ve been quiet I’ll admit, but really there hasn’t been much of note. The nobles had stopped gossiping so there’d been nothing to report. But not today! I forgot to mention this previously, but there had been a masked ball planned for the anniversary of his Majesty’s accession day. I commissioned the most beautiful mask – a hardened lace dyed in an ombré of green and blue, with peacock feathers protruding around my cheeks and forehead like the bird’s tail. The dress I wore had a matching color palette, with little diamonds sprinkled throughout to appear as if beaded dew on my body. His Majesty was quite pleased, if I do say so myself.
During the festivities, you’ll never guess what I saw. I took it upon myself to wander the gardens after the sun had set – I felt a little night air might do me some good after the past week – and I stumbled upon the sounds of silent chatter. Thankfully I was able to hide myself before I was seen, and would you believe that none other than the Empress herself was walking with one of the younger nobles? She was scandalously walking with her arm in his, and they had the audacity to laugh and talk as if they were intimately aware of each other’s secrets…if you know what I mean.
Dax: Sira couldn’t believe the squeal of delight she let out at that. Her eyes widened at the shock of it, cleared her throat and continued to read.
Dax (as the writer): Perhaps I’ll save that tidbit of information for later. Who knows, I might need her on my side at some point and the gods know she only tolerates my existence because she doesn’t want to deal with his wrath. So, after it was safe to leave my hiding spot, I returned to the party and overheard the most delightful rumor! Apparently, Maruk’s assistant is rising in the ranks fast and it’s suspected he’ll overtake Maruk’s position soon. The magician has been a bit of a disappointment to his Majesty lately, so that doesn’t surprise me that he’ll be gone soon. Perhaps this assistant can be of more use to me…
Dax: Sira frowned at that last bit, setting the diary down in her lap.
Music returns to the thoughtful piano [06:35]
Dax (as Sira): Well, that can’t be right. By all accounts Maruk was a loyal and trusted advisor through to the end of the war. He was even seen at the battle of Sufara, so what are they talking about?
Dax: She shook her head, then jotted a few more notes down.
Dax (as Sira): I suppose it’s just conjecture. After all, this is written as things are stirred up in the court. I’m sure this person never anticipated that someone would be reading their innermost personal thoughts, so it’s not like they’re trying to project falsehoods or discredit history.
Dax: Sira continued to scan the entries, jotting down notes as thoughts or questions came to her. The diary proved to be a scandalous look into the secret lives at some of the most powerful members of court. One entry in particular made her pause, dated nearly a year after the entry she started on.
Music shifts to a somber tune [07:36]
Dax (as writer): Dear Diary, my heart is broken. What should have been a joyous day has turned disastrous, and his Majesty is furious. Her little heart never even started beating. She was supposed to come out wailing, but her silence was devastating. I held her little body until he arrived, storming through the door with anger written on his features. He left me without saying a word. Now that I’ve had time to digest what has happened, I fear my life may be in danger. It’s not like this hasn’t happened before. One only needs to disappoint his Majesty before they suffer the consequence, and my mistakes have already been numerous and egregious.
Dax: Sira stopped reading, wiping a tear from her cheek.
Dax (as Sira): Oh, dearest writer, it’s not your fault. You are not to blame…
Dax (as the writer): One of the maids has told me a secret, though, so all may not be lost. There’s a sorcerer that lives in the woods south of the castle. I should wait until I’m well, but I fear that this journey can’t wait. I’ve convinced the maid to help me tonight. Hopefully he’s willing to bargain with me.
Dax: Sira set the diary down, marking the page with a ribbon. She took some time to ponder the contents up until this point, munching on the cheese and bread she’d brought down this morning.
Dax (as Sira): This diary suggests this person has some power at court, or at least they believe they have power over the Emperor. But if that’s the case, why are they so worried about this? It’s hard enough to suffer through such a loss, but to be concerned you’ll lose your life over it? Over a child that could never take the throne anyway? [sighs] That’s just so sad…
Dax: Her break over, she returned to the diary and looked at the date of the next entry. It was dated two weeks after the last, which gave Sira some pause. Looking closely, she noticed that there seemed to be a few pages torn from the book. She furrowed her brow, and with a pang of disappointment read on.
Dax (as the writer): Dear Diary, this may be my last entry. His Majesty found you and kept you from me – I can see where he took my last entries away. He was furious that I went to see that sorcerer, he even executed the maid that helped me. I am only writing in you now because another was willing to steal you from his bedchamber. If I am to be executed, I will do my best to make sure you’re kept safe. After all, with the potion I received his Majesty might be willing to listen.
Dax: Sira traced her fingers over the sketch of a broken heart before reading more.
Dax (as the writer): That damned sorcerer better not be lying, or I’ll have his hide if it’s the last command I give. When I went to see him, he told me if I burned the body of my dead child, he would produce a potion for me that would guarantee a healthy baby in the next cycle. The potion was made from her ashes, so gods willing it works. If I can just convince him it’s worth one more chance, perhaps I can live long enough to verify its potency.
Music returns to the thoughtful piano [11:22]
Dax: Sira felt herself nearly gag at the thought of drinking a potion made of such contents.
Dax (as Sira): This is utter nonsense. There’s no way that worked even with all the good that magic can do. And what a horrible thing, to force her to make such an attempt just for one small hope…
Dax: Sira scanned the next series of entries, ignoring claims of court gossip and mentions of the events in the war. Her eyes were looking for one entry in particular, and it wasn’t until the last few that she found it.
Music shifts to a peaceful tune [11:55]
Dax (as the writer): Dear Diary, I’ve done it. The potion worked – I’ve given birth to a healthy baby girl. He’s not pleased it isn’t a boy, but he seems happy enough she’s healthy. She’s brown-skinned, like me, and her little face is all wrinkly and chubby. She’s adorable! I wonder if her hair will be dark like mine, or silver like his. Her ears seem slightly pointed, but it’s hard to tell if that’s because she’s a ball of mush right now or if that’s indicative of what they’ll look like. I don’t really care either way, she’s here. She’s breathing. She’s got all her fingers and toes…
Dax: Sira wrote a quick note to see if she could find notes on illegitimate children, and added three question marks.
Dax (as Sira): I am sure I’ll find a wealth of knowledge but also very little detail. That seems to be the case with the other Emperors, so I’m sure Suvre will be the same.
Dax: Sira saw the candle was burning low, and decided to finish this entry before calling it for the day.
Dax (as the writer): I’ve been told the Empress is aware and is livid. she may not be screaming from the turrets but she has made it clear she will never acknowledge my child. Oh well, it’s not like I wanted her approval anyway. Perhaps she should just focus on her own offspring and less on mine, maybe she’ll be happier. After all, what his Majesty and I do behind closed doors is none of her business.
Maruk said something interesting to me, however. When she was born, he commented on a strange birthmark she bears. A star shaped mark on her left ankle. He tells me it’s a sign she will be blessed in adulthood, a symbol she’ll hold power over others. I don’t know what that means, my dearest friend, but as long as it keeps her alive and, on his Majesty’s good side, I don’t know if I care what the details are. My concern right now is that we keep her alive and safe. The rebels are marching on our borders and I fear for her…
Music fades out [14:25]